Through new eyes
by bloodymary2
Summary: Just when we think all's good and done, destiny throws them another hurdle to cross. Harm/Mac, AU, post series finale. EPILOGUE up. :D
1. Right before the storm

**_DISCLAIMER_: **I do not own these characters. To be honest, I own very little. If Belissario wants to give me Harm though, since he is currently being left to gather dust, I would certainly not complain. Otherwise, it's the same old speech… No intentions to step on anyone's toes, just killing some time between classes. So, don't sue.

**_A/N:_** **_NOW_**… This is Harm/Mac romance, but I just love to torture them a little, so bare with me. Also, this is MAJOR ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. I'm not gonna change the characters, but I'm bending reality just a little... Okay, a lot.

**_WARNING!! I have this mostly finished, but I have some difficulty with the end. All suggestions welcome!_**

Now, no more of this… ENJOY!

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**THROUGH NEW EYES**

**By bloodymary2**

**CHAPTER 1: ****Right before the storm **

_Mac's POV:_

Who would have thought, all those years ago, that we would be here today, hands entwined, absolute happiness overshadowing all the hurts of the past and the uncertainty the future still held. I certainly wouldn't. Not after Paraguay. Not after all the horrible words spoken and the innumerous missed opportunities that colored the nine years we spent dancing around each other, always closer than most friends dared get, but always at arms reach.

_No matter._

Sitting beside him, inside his red corvette cruising slower than we probably should along the half empty avenue, I am certain that this is where I am meant to be. I know all this sounds corny and God, had it been anyone else, I would have agreed, but I can't help the smile that graces my lips and the warmness that invades my body as I feel him play with the beautiful ring on my left hand's finger. The ring that, only moments prior, had been silently presented by a beautiful Capitan down on bended knee.

Content…

I watch the city's lights reflected off his face, revealing the flyboy smile I love so much. His eyes remain fixed on the road, but they glimmer, knowing he is being observed. I don't care, though. I love being able to do it without feeling guilty or afraid I might get caught.

No regrets…

I would be the first to admit, had anyone asked, that there were things in my life that fall far from perfection. Decisions I wish had been made differently, time wasted I would have liked to have avoided. All that though, is a mute point. Because, the truth is, I wouldn't change a thing. Even if the scales of the good times and the bad times tipped dangerously towards the latter, I wouldn't risk skipping the pain, if that meant losing the perfect moments, like this one, no matter how few they might have been. And there were such wonderful moments scattered through our years together.

Fear…

I saw his eyes change, panic overtaking his features. I felt him tighten his hold of my hand, gripping it painfully. The second it took for me to notice this change made me a second too late to react. Before I could turn to look at the source of Harm's sudden fear, a bright light overtook us, making it all too bright for me to see anything beyond the outline of his dark hair. A millisecond after that, all was darkness and silence.

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UNDISCLOSED TIME AND LOCATION

Though darkness prevailed longer than she would have liked it to, Mac still retained a small sense of awareness. She may have been unable to see anything, but she felt herself being lifted away from the wreckage. She was aware of the warm blood trickling from some wound on her forehead, the result of a head smashing against the window. And she could hear the fragmented whispers all around her and could move her hand, her left hand, enough to realize it no longer held another.

Her entire body hurt and protested.

No pain, however, could distract the emptiness. No physical discomfort, no matter how great, could overshadow the desperation she felt at not knowing Harm's whereabouts or condition. Even though she refused to believe he was gone, a part of her knew something was wrong.

Depression started to close in on her…

Then she remembered that amazing feeling of peace in the seconds that had preceded the crash and she smiled. Maybe the happiness had been brief, but it had also been absolute. She could live the rest of her life on that single moment or be ready to die content for having been blessed with that perfection. Maybe she would never have that future she had so much desired. Maybe there would never be a little girl with blue eyes and a white picket fence to go home to every night. Regardless.

_She had no regrets…_

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	2. Where? When?

_**DISCLAIMER**:_ in the first chapter...

**_A/N_**: Thank you for the ones who reviewed.

And... Yes, this is the same story!

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**CHAPTER 2: W****here?? When??**

JAG HQ, FALLS CHURCH VIRGINIA

0921 HOURS

AJ CHEGWIDDEN'S OFFICE

Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie and Commander Harmon Rabb Junior stood rigidly at attention, eyes focused somewhere in the distance, faces expressionless, or at least trying to. Though the Col. seemed to succeed far more than her partner, you could still detect, etched on her features, the anger and contempt she was feeling. Harm could be infuriating at times! And worst of all, he just had to wear that smug grin of superiority that got to her nerves every time. Still, she fought to keep herself under control, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing her come undone.

Both senior officers had their minds a thousand miles away, not really wanting to hear the words of reproach coming out of their superior's mouth. They knew the speech by heart and after they had time to cool off, both would readily agree that their fight and overall behavior was not becoming of an officer. At that moment, however, reason seemed lacking. Any and all words of apology and regret would have been laced with sarcasm and they wouldn't have really meant them. So they chose to remain silent. One thing, among few, that they could agree on these days.

AJ sighed.

He must have committed far too many sins in a previous life for God to punish him this way. Those two would be the death of him still! The Admiral let his voice die down, feeling a terrible headache building up on the space between his eyes. Tiner had better have his aspirin ready, because he would surely need a high dose of it to squelch his pain.

SEAL training hadn't prepared him for this…

If asked later on, he would have been unable to explain exactly the events that transpired next. All he would be able to do would be to recount the details he had been taught to notice. If allowed, he would have pointed out that this signaled the beginning of the following chaos. The turbulent past months should have been fair warning.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

"At ease."

Though both of his officers visibly relaxed, they seemed to remain at a semi-attention stance, eyes still directed at the horizon. AJ allowed himself a moment to observe the pair, once such close friends, now in constant hostility. Australia had surely changed the status quo and the Admiral wasn't quite sure that was a good thing. That's when he noticed the thin sleet of blood running down the colonel's forehead, slightly hidden by the bangs of the woman's auburn hair, the color of which seemed to darken before his very eyes.

"Mac?"

The sudden worry lacing his words finally made her look his way.

"Yes, sir?"

Her voice uncertain, she watched him touch his forehead, while staring intently at her. Reflexively she reached to her own, feeling there the warm substance flowing upon her delicate skin and realized, after pulling her fingers away, that it was a deep red. Blood. Moments after this discovery, Mac felt vertigo threatening to overtake her wholly and was unable to stop the ground from rushing up. This all happened very fast, but not fast enough to go unnoticed. The senior squid rose quickly to his feet and reached towards his Chief of Staff, barely being able to break her fall.

She was out cold, heavy on his arms. She looked different, he noted. Aside from the fact that the woman was unconscious, there was something more, or perhaps something missing, he wasn't sure. Either way, he felt certain, that something was strangely, oddly, different about her.

And then, another realization hit him.

Harm, who had been standing much closer to Mac, hadn't reached out to help her, regardless of the tension from moments before, as he normally would. Looking up from his precarious position on the floor, the Admiral first met the white pant legs of the former aviator's uniform. Unmoving. Then, he reached the hands, hanging limply at the Commander's sides. Finally, he saw the tensed shoulders and the faraway gaze etched on the younger man's face.

His worry doubled.

"Harm?"

Few would have recognized the voice speaking the short nickname as being from the JAG, former SEAL and confidant lawyer. It was uncertain, confused and received, from the Commander, no response. Saying, however, that nothing changed in the long moments that transpired next, would have been a lie.

Chegwidden watched, eyes growing wide, a red dot appear on Rabb's lower chest. He saw it slowly grow, gravity making itself known, as the blood developed projections that in much resembled the pseudopodia of a amoeba. Soon, most of the man's once pristine white shirt had been consumed by blood. Still Rabb showed no reaction.

Before AJ had the opportunity to gently release the colonel and rise to his feet, however, Harmon Rabb collapsed like a tree log, hitting his back and head, eyes finally closed. In a desperate second, the CO saw the scene unfold as if in slow motion. Then it all sunk in. The amount of blood, the unmoving chest and the horrible silence.

"Tiner!" his shout echoed easily through the wooden door.

Rushing towards his friend, the bald man searched for a pulse and found none. Clearing the Commander's airways before commencing the coordinated movements required to perform CPR, he sent a prayer up above. He had no time to think of the surrealism of the situation, he only had time to react. His yeoman did the same, barging into the room frantically. Tiner paused for only a millisecond and quickly left the office to call for help.

1, …, 2, …, 3, …, 4, …, 5,…

Breathe…

1, …, 2, …, 3, …, 4, …, 5,…

Breathe.

1, …, 2, …, 3, …, 4, …, 5,…

Breathe, dammit, breathe!!

Such a short moment never stretched for so long as the one which followed, punctuated by the heaving sounds of the Admiral's breaths everytime he pumped Harm's heart. Soon, Tiner returned, quickly followed by Harriet and other curious onlookers. Most had shocked looks on their faces. Most, but not all, it seemed. Lieutenant Singer stood, expression impartial and eyes blank, observing it all. Jason Tiner joined AJ on the floor and prepared to take over the ventilation of Harm's lungs. He needn't have bothered, however. As soon as Chegwidden finished counting to 5 for what seemed like the hundredth time, the Commander's lips suddenly parted and he took in, all by himself, a deep breath. Coughing followed his resurrection and the Admiral turned him sideways, so he wouldn't choke.

Finally relaxing enough to repossess control of his erratic heart, now that Harm's was beating once again, AJ noticed that the blood on Rabb's shirt had stopped flowing. In fact, now that he could take a closer look, there was no reason for the blood. No wounds, no rip on the now red fabric. As far as he was concerned, the sticky red substance could have been ketchup

Confusion returned, the puzzling situation making his brow in a scrunched mess.

There was definitely something very strange going on…

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	3. Same mess, different view

**_DISCLAIMER: _**in the first chapter...

**_A/N:_** Really, really hope your confusion starts clearing. If not, let me know! Thank you all for reviewing!

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**CHAPTER 3****: ****Same mess, different view…**

_Harm's POV:_

I remember feeling content. The stupid grin, like the cat that ate the canary, had been ever present on my lips since the uncertainty had vanished completely. I hadn't minded. The coin had been tossed, the ring placed where it truly belonged and everything was right in the world. I had been happy, like I couldn't remember feeling since forever, and all else paled in comparison.

Then, the flash of light and the terrifying sight of the truck's headlights careening in our direction changed it all. Absolute fear quickly replaced the happiness and I had little or no time to react. Besides turning the wheel brusquely to the right and squeezing at the same time, the delicate hand resting upon mine, all I remember is the darkness.

_And the pain…_

Absolute, all consuming pain radiated from my chest, preventing my lungs from taking in new air. I felt nothing but the agony of all my nerve endings telling me something wasn't right. I tried squeezing the hand that should still be on mine, but I couldn't really tell if I managed to do so. I felt nothing. I couldn't conjure enough strength to open my eyes, much less whisper her name, but the need to reassure myself of her well being kept me trying nevertheless.

Her face, clear on my mind, kept smiling like nothing had happened and I allowed myself to be taken into unconsciousness, where I could fool myself into believing, if only for the briefest of seconds, that nothing was wrong.

The pain disappeared and I felt content once more…

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Slowly building up, something seemed to demand his attention. First, his chest started burning, making him aware of the fact that he couldn't really breathe. Second, the pain in his chest resurfaced, making him wonder why it hurt so much. Lastly, right before the pain dissipated completely and new air graced his lungs, Harm heard the whisper. Like a loud shout being muffled by darkness, he heard it faintly, but clearly.

The voice demanded he breathed.

Annoyed at the voice for being oblivious to his constant failed effort to do so, the man mentally rolled his eyes. So focused was he on the barely familiar voice, wishing he could properly respond, that Harmon Rabb failed to notice that he suddenly could. Breathe, I mean. The relief was so great that he didn't even mind the coughing that soon followed.

Satisfied that breathing no longer seemed to be an issue and rather surprised to feel the pain gone, Harm focused his attention on banishing the darkness and slowly managed to open his eyes. The lids covering them were heavy and he struggled to keep them open. Allowing his gaze to roam, as he took in his surroundings, he couldn't seem to banish the thought that there was something he should be remembering. But for the life of him, he couldn't grasp what it was.

Something important…

"Commander? Can you hear me?" the voice, now clearly identifiable as that of AJ Chegwidden, broke through his daze and Harm was finally able to make his eyes see the face of his Commanding Officer. Then, the blood on his crumpled uniform caught his attention and Harm found himself frowning.

Blood aside, there was something wrong about the Admiral…

"Sir? What happened?" his voice horse and low, sounded to the Admiral's ear like it hadn't been used for some time, something he knew not to be true. Seeing the confusion in the Commander's eyes, that managed to match his own quite easily, he shock his head in reply.

"I have no idea. First the Colonel collapsed, and then you stopped breathing. I don't know what happened." A.J. shock his head in stupefied confusion, frustrated that Harm seemed unable to provide some much needed answers.

"Mac? Is she okay?" as soon as his boss mentioned Sarah Mackenzie, Harm felt a tug at his heart. He knew, on the border of consciousness, that, whatever it was he couldn't seem to remember, Mac was definitely involved.

Struggling to rise, Harm looked around the room once more. Something was wrong with the décor, he noted, but all other thoughts left his mind, when his eyes landed on the immobile form of his partner. Maybe they weren't on the best of terms lately, but his concern was genuine as he made his way to her. Gently cradling her head on his lap, he tried to shake her awake.

"Sarah? Wake up…" He searched for the wound responsible for the blood showing on her forehead and when he found it, Harm couldn't help but frown. The gash was rather wide and there were small pieces of glass on it. When he glanced at AJ, silently questioning him about it, his only response was the man's shake of his head. He didn't know about this either.

The Admiral had considered that, just like Harm's non-existing wound, the slit of blood running down the Colonel's head would have no point of start. Obviously, he was wrong. Growing even more concerned by the absurdity of the whole situation, he bellowed to Tiner to check if the ambulance was already on its way. A second after that, Mac's eyes slit open, a groan soon escaping her lips.

Frightened and confused, she tried to rise, but dizziness prevented her from doing so and she fell backwards, landing awkwardly against Harm's chest. Turning slightly to face him, she caught sight of the deep crease on his forehead, signs of his obvious worry. Giving him a small smile of reassurance and comforted by his presence, Mac leaned back against him and allowed herself the time to regain her bearings. With her eyes closed once more and her attention directed at making the world stop spinning, Mac missed the confused look on Harm's face.

"I'm so glad you're okay… I don't remember exactly what happened, but I know we crashed, right? We hit something? I didn't see anything." While she was babbling, about what Harm failed to understand, he tried to make sense of the strange sensation that washed over him. He felt, deep within, that there were things he should be remembering. Something in particular… Somehow sensing that he was distracted and had failed to provide her an answer, Mac turned completely around to face him.

"Harm, sweetie? Are you okay?" Gently caressing his left cheek, she gazed deeply into his eyes, clearly concerned by his silence. Harm, on the other hand, was desperately trying to understand her sudden altered behavior. _What did she call him?_ For someone who didn't seem to stand the sight of him only moments before, she was acting very gentle and intimate towards him now and that confused the hell out of this particular Commander.

"Did you just call me sweetie?" he pulled her hand away, keeping it clasped on his, while he frowned down at her. His voice ended up sounding harsher than he had intended it to, but he made no move to apologize for it. She was the one engaged to another man after all…

Mac was slightly confused by the way he had removed her hand and hugely put off by the tone of voice he had used. Harm was acting like she had no right to even be near him, much less call him by a term of endearment. She was just opening her mouth to question his actions, when she caught sight of the ring on her finger. An engagement ring, that's for sure, but not _her_ engagement ring.

Harm saw her open her mouth to protest and realized that she was staring at that ring like she didn't know what it meant. Taking into account her strange behavior before, Rabb searched her face for answers. Thinking he had it all figured out, he started to put two and two together. Unfortunately, like he seemed in the habit of doing these days, he added five.

"Mac, do you remember Mic proposing?"

At her confused expression, Harm deduced that the bang to the head must have affected her memory and he quickly recounted the proposal, the time she wore the ring on her right hand and her finally accepting to get married to the Australian. He tried his best not to let contempt show during his speech. He failed at that. Mac's only response was pulling away. Stupidly, the Commander, brilliant in the courtroom, but oblivious anywhere else, thought she was in denial.

He should have listened to that little voice in his head, telling him that HE was the one who had something to remember…

Looking at the ring once more, Sarah had to admit; it was the one Mic had given her that night in Sydney. But that ring had been lost in Aceh long ago and its presence only made her head spin some more. Clearly, this had to be a dream. Finally allowing her eyes to glance around, she realized that they weren't alone. The Admiral was there, dressed in his summer whites, blood smeared on his shirt and hands. Harriet and Tiner were also in uniform and Singer was standing at the door, face impartial. Not only them, but a whole lot of officers crowding the entry to the door.

And then she noticed the office itself; different from the one she had been in only hours before. Gone was the General's sparsely decorated domain. AJ Chegwidden ruled every inch of the room in a way she hadn't seen since the Admiral's retirement. All evidence supported Harm's theory that she had lost her memory. But she hadn't…

Mac just remembered more than them.

_She couldn't have dreamt it all, right?_

Breathing in deeply, Sarah Mackenzie tried to control the panic growing within her. She ran her hand through her hair and gently touched the gash on her head. It hurt. Glancing around once more, she paused. Catching the end of her hair in a fist, she twisted her eyes to see the color of its strands. She hadn't worn it long back then. The color had been reddish, she remembered.

Another sigh…

At least some proof she hadn't lost her marbles.

Harm stepped closer, wary of standing too close to a marine, who could drop him flat on his six if threatened. Now, looking at him more closely Mac realized that he did not look the way he had moments before the light had engulfed them both. His eyes were different; though still that bluish green color. His face hadn't as many worry lines. He looked anguished. In then end, she concluded that he was not the man, who had proposed to her with such heartfelt declaration of love. He looked different, like he hadn't looked since before his crash into the Atlantic.

Not her Harm, not **yet** anyway.

She snorted at that. Damn word anyway…

Sarah Mackenzie felt like she had been sucked into the Twilight zone. The whole world seemed to have shifted. Feeling an incredible amount of sadness washing over her, Mac felt a tear run down her cheek. She did not wipe it away. Rising calmly, she increased the distance between Harm and herself and turned away from his questioning gaze.

In the second that the light engulfed them both, before the darkness consumed it all, she had lost everything and she couldn't even explain how. Sighing deeply, she braced herself for what was to come, at the same time that she wondered if going home was even possible

Because surely she had not lost her mind…

Surely, this was a hallucination, a dream…

She was trapped in limbo, forced to relieve her past mistakes. She might not know why it had to be this moment out of all the other stupid things she had done. Why her almost marriage to Mic warranted reanalyzing more than her affair with a married man or her drunken binges of her teens. But that had to be the most logical explanation.

After all, surely, there was no such thing as time travel…

Not of this was real…

_Surely._

She hoped…

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	4. Spiraling out of control

**DISCLAIMER: **in the first chapter...

**A/N:** Thank you all for your reviews; I'm glad you are liking it.

To **jamie**, who reviewed anonimously, thank you also. Maybe it was not what I wanted to hear and I have to say that I don't agree with you (I'm sensing others got my intention), but you took the time to leave me a note and you didn't bash. If you are reading this, I hope the story becomes clearer, if you stopped reading it, I'm sorry to see you go. Others who have complaints or suggestions, don't hesitate to come forth. I don't bite!

Enough talking...

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**CHAPTER 4: Spiraling out of control…**

Albert Jethro Chegwidden has never been a patient man. He has always kept his goals in sight when pursuing them and never let anything keep him from persevering. Lately though, he has felt himself getting lost more easily and feared, like any intelligent SEAL should, the future that awaited him, should nothing be made to change.

Regardless…

This was not the time to be pondering such things. Odd happenings had befallen his command and as much as he was confused by them, he was also getting impatient. He demanded answers and none of his officers seemed inclined or informed enough to provide them. Straightening his back and crossing his arms over his blood-smeared shirt, the Admiral decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Everyone back to work! NOW!!" his strong, authorative voice boomed through his office and startled all, but Colonel Mackenzie. In the blink of an eye, officers and enlisted personnel alike jumped into action and went back to their previous tasks, or at least, pretended to. Tiner hesitated momentarily on the threshold of the oak door of the Admiral's office, but a warning glare from his CO was all it took for him to quickly close the door behind him.

"Okay now, I am not so patiently waiting for answers and you two have already tried my patience enough this week. What in Heavens name is the meaning of this?" He spoke it all in one breath, hawk eyes never leaving Harm and Mac's tense pose.

Harm, having already regained his bearings, informed his superior officer that he had no idea why his uniform was covered in blood, why he suddenly lost consciousness before and why Mac seemed to be behaving so strangely. The latter was spoken with barely hidden sarcasm and not so subtly directed at his partner. Normally, this kind of behavior would have been quickly met with a reprimand from AJ, but he chose to remain silent. It was the Colonel's reaction he was more interested in.

Of all the reactions he might have expected, he did not expect her to do nothing.

Frown…

Slowly Sarah Mackenzie turned towards Harm and the Admiral. There was a look of absolute misery etched on her face. The disappointment that shone in her eyes, though, made both men swallow hard. Focusing her gaze on Harm, she let a deep sigh escape her lips. Still, she said nothing. Lids slowly closed, as her head fell forward, dark locks falling like curtains on the sides of her face. Bringing up her suddenly tired limbs, she hugged herself, before gathering the strength to answer the Admiral.

"I don't know what happened, sir… But I don't feel so well. Permission to be dismissed?" She spoke sincerely and made no move to mask the tears glistening in her eyes, now focused somewhere on the dark floor. She was a far sight from the strong Marine both men were accustomed to seeing. She looked…

_Broken…_

"Mac…" he whispered, the commanding voice from before, now replaced by a soft tone. "You said something about an accident, about hitting something. Is that the last thing you remember?" At her nod, he chose to continue. "Harm was with you?" another affirmative. "And what about Mic? You remember him?"

This time she snorted, in a very unlady-like manner, letting her arms drop. The misery look was replaced by a cold smile and the next words that came out of her mouth were heavily laced with sarcasm.

"Of course I know Mic Brumby. That's not the point." Surprising her CO and her partner again, if that was still possible at this point, Mac ripped the ring from her finger. A moment of hesitation as she seemed to turn within herself stretched forever as both men watched her every move.

"Sir, if it won't be too much trouble I would like to request a couple of days of leave. There are some things I need to sort out." Again, she refused to meet the Admiral's gaze. Her request was denied. "Then I would like to take the rest of the day off." AJ considered denying this request too, but chose not to.

He nodded.

"I am ordering you, however, to go to the hospital to get yourself checked out. Am I understood?" The Colonel consented, turning to leave. "Mac?" She stopped, but didn't turn to face him. "Are you okay?" The open expression he presented showed clearly the concern his voice conveyed, but Mac wasn't looking at him.

Finally allowing the Admiral a glimpse of her gaze, Mac looked deeply within his eyes, searching there a small flicker of hidden truth that would allow her to believe, even if only for a second, that there was hope. Hope of waking up back home, hope of discovering it was all a joke… That would have been less cruel than his blank expression.

"No" her voice cracked slightly. "I'm not okay…" And she walked out. Or she would have, if Harm hadn't suddenly decided to rejoin the conversation and stubbornly blocked the only way to exit the office. Crossing his arms, he threw an inquisitive glance in her direction. He looked menacing and worried at the same time.

She had the urge to slug him…

Or kiss him, she hadn't quite decided which urge was stronger yet.

"With all due respect, sir, I don't think that's good enough." Harm's attention was quickly put back upon his partner, the incredulous look on her face causing a grin to burst upon his lips. It was, however, short lived. A somber mask befell him as his arms went back down.

"You have a deep gash on your temple, you and I both dropped to the ground like limber in the woods only some minutes ago, I have an uniform with a suspicious tear and blood all over, but no wound, you have some strange case of amnesia and I can see on your face that you know more than you are telling." With each sentence he had stepped a little bit closer to her and now they stood only a couple of centimeters apart.

"You are not walking out of here like that." Deep frown graced his brows, casting shadows on his eyes. "I deserve some answers." It unnerved him to no end, the way she had suddenly taken to examining his gaze. There was a calm expression on her face that was betrayed by the desperate look she was throwing his way.

She seemed to be searching for something.

For a long moment they stood like that, unmoving, the Admiral keeping close attention. The former SEAL couldn't bring himself to interrupt, nor was he willing to turn away. He was mesmerized by the sight of his two best lawyers facing each other so closely. That was something terribly wrong with this whole situation.

He just couldn't pinpoint it exactly…

Having allowed himself to get momentarily lost within a daydream, AJ quickly snapped back to reality, when Mac reached a hand to cup Commander Rabb's cheek. There was a single tear glistening in the corner of her right eye and the saddest look on her face. Despite the odd, incredulous expression on Harm's front, Mac continued to caress his cheek lovingly.

Then, without hesitation or warning, she rose on her tiptoes and kissed him gently on the lips.

It was brief, but filled with a great amount of love. And then it was over. She pulled back, sidestepped him easily (he was momentarily frozen in place after all), opened the door and left. No last glances, no explanations.

Admiral Chegwidden, as surprised as Harm himself, felt his jaw practically hit the floor at the scene he had just witnessed. Forget the whole impropriety thing, and in his office nonetheless, Mac's behavior was completely off character and it worried him deeply.

And Harm…

Harm was confused, elated, worried and shocked. There were so many different emotions running through him that he found it difficult to process this whole situation. The look she had thrown his way had made his heart clench, sure, but the kiss, so much different from the one they had shared on that porch not so long ago, came really close to breaking it. It had such finality to it.

_It had felt too much like goodbye…_

_And that hurt…_

It hurt more than he had ever expected it to, more than her walking away from him on that porch, more than seeing her kiss Bugme on that airport in Sydney. Nothing had ever hurt so much, a feeling so strong that made his chest physically heavy with pain.

He had finally lost her for good…

_No…_

He refused to accept it…

_It just couldn't be the end…_

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I read, in another author's note, that the blue bottom to your bottom left is tempting and that we should give into temptation. What do you think?


	5. Interlude interrupted

**DISCLAIMER**: in the first chapter...

**A/N:** Thank you all for your wonderful reviews!! I grinned, I laughed and I blushed! Hope you continue to enjoy this and if anything catches your eye (mistakes in writing or cohesion) let meknow, please.

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**CHAPTER 5: Interlude interrupted…**

One moment…

_Four seconds…_

And Harm felt, in that small eternity, like he had been engulfed by a heavy fog. The past few minutes had been a source of great confusion. The strange way Mac had been behaving, the look of tremendous disappointment shinning in her eyes and her sudden departure all amounted to one thing.

If he could only put his fingers on what that thing was…

_Loss._

The feeling all but railroaded him, as the door clicked softly in her wake. The heavy pain suddenly consumed his heart, making him reach involuntarily to his chest. Turning quickly on his heels, thoughts of impropriety and of his commanding officer all but forgotten, Harmon Rabb Junior rushed out after his estranged partner. His long legs brought him without delay to her side, all the way across the bullpen.

She didn't stop or slow down.

In fact, had it not been for the quick sideway glance she threw his way; Mac had all but ignored his presence. When a hand on her shoulder failed to deter her and calling her name turned all heads towards him but hers, Harm decided to take more decisive action. He stepped in her path, both his hands against her arms to make sure they didn't collide and a hopeful look on his face.

She finally glanced at him.

_And sighed…_

A deep, long suffering sigh with eyes closed and defeat etched on her delicate features. In the pause between her sigh and Harm catching his breath, Sarah Mackenzie felt a desperate urge to cry. The tears threatening to drown her eyes, a small release to the incredible pain in her heart. Because he didn't remember ever proposing to her. He had not been the one, who promised to wait indefinitely after Webb's supposed death or the hero, who had resigned his commission on the off chance of saving her from a fate worse than death in Paraguay.

_God, had it all been a dream?_

Disregarding protocol and the several witnesses surrounding them, Harm engulfed her in a strong hug. His mind was still working over time to try and make sense of this entire confusing situation. That did not stop him, however, from wanting her in his arms forever. The feeling of absolute completion that simple act brought him could not easily be put into words.

Whether she had chosen to return his hold or pull back, he would never know, because in the millisecond that followed, the complicated turned into chaos. Former commander Mic Brumby had entered the picture.

Loud and in technicolor.

Michael Brumby may have been many things in his life…

A fool was not one of them.

He had always known there was more between Sarah Mackenzie and Harmon Rabb than met the eye, which was already too much. There was certain detail that he was sure had been omitted from his knowledge of those two 'friends'. He had tried valiantly to convince himself that he had won. Sarah was going to marry him. Him! Not some flight jock turned lawyer, with an ego the size of Canada.

And, for a while, he had bought the lie.

Now, though, Mic had to face reality. Having come rushing to JAG HQ as soon as the very confusing call from Bud about an unspecified problem with his fiancée, he had allowed himself to consider many possible scenarios. Without much information to begin with, he had gone from the most insignificant to the worst possible case. Either way, Mic had thought himself prepared for any situation.

Anything, but the scene that met him upon his arrival.

He froze. There, in the middle of the open-spaced room that was the bullpen, Rabb had Sarah in his arms. He knew, logically, that they were in front of a lot of witnesses, who could and probably would indulge in gossip. It couldn't possibly be what it looked liked… Right? He wanted to believe it, really, he did, but the embrace was too intimate and his heart too constricted for him to be able to brush off his insecurities.

"What the bloody hell's going on here?" his words alone would have been enough to encourage the two officers to part. His deep voice, filled with barely contained anger, just served to enforce their undivided attention.

Or it should have…

While Rabb slowly withdrew his arms from around Mac's waist, breaking the physical connection with the beautiful Marine, Sarah closed her eyes, resigned, and lowered her head. She sighed, a very out of character action that she seemed to be indulging in a lot that day.

Then, she turned to face the Australian, taking a moment to reacquaint herself with the man she had once thought of marrying. Though his presence brought back good memories of a time already gone, Sarah couldn't seem to conjure enough emotion for the man she had once claimed to love. Things were so much clearer now, years later, than they had been in the aftermath of that disaster.

Still…

Seeing the look on his face, hurt and betrayal swimming in his eyes the same way they had the night he had decided to return to Australia, Mac couldn't help but feel guilty. And, though she wished she could just place the ring on his hand and leave, Mac refused to hurt him deeper. Mic deserved a more private place to receive the brush off she was about to give him.

Sarah Mackenzie just wasn't sure how long she could keep the tears at bay. With her world falling apart at her feet, she wished to just disappear. But the earth didn't open up underneath her and she had to face the fact that it was up to her now.

She could do this without falling apart…

She would.

Avoiding Harm, as he tried meeting her gaze, Mac took Mic's hand into her own. She guessed that her partner was failing to remain nonchalant, without interfering. And although she wanted to throw her arms around him until he remembered everything, she didn't.

Resigned, she led Mic out, no words escaping her lips.

And the bullpen, long since having given up trying to pretend not to be listening to this live soap opera, couldn't help but hold its collective breaths. Almost anti-climatic, they thought, the silence and the Colonel's departure. No fights, no arguments… Nothing at all like they've come to expect from two competitive lawyers.

The sudden change was eerie…

Odd really.

Like a bad omen.

And the handsome Commander, like a lost puppy, breathed in deeply, straightened his back and retraced his steps back to his CO's office. The nagging feeling at the back of his head desperately calling his attention was unfortunately overshadowed by hurt pride.

Who was he trying to kid though?

Nothing could distract him from the big hole in his chest, as he watched his heart walk away with another.

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This is what I had originally labelled as chap 5 and 6, but then I noticed how short it was, with a cliffy no less. And, since you have all been so wonderful reviewers, I put them together. Hope you like it and don't forget to review... who knows when another cliffy oportunity might present itself... ;P


	6. Fortress built upon the sand

**DISCLAIMER**: in the first chapter...

**A/N**: thank you to those who reviewed and specially to those who pointed out my mistakes. I tried to correct them all (which is why you are all getting to e-mail alerts.). I know this is sad and a bit angsty, but better times will come!

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**CHAPTER 6****: Fortress built upon the sand...**

They didn't go to her apartment.

Mac didn't feel ready to actually be confronted with any more physical proof of this horrible reality, which had descended upon her so unexpectedly. This strong marine couldn't bring herself to see her home, untouched. No boxes, no reminders… Not yet, anyway.

So, they went to a no name restaurant, no words shared until they were both seated, face to face among a sea of strangers. Deep breath. Finally gathering enough self control not to burst into tears, something she refused to do in front of anyone, Mac allowed their eyes to meet. Half expecting to see anger etched upon Brumby's features, Sarah was startled to discover a smug smile gracing his thin lips.

_Silent groan…_

The fool had actually allowed himself to believe that he had won a stupid (and non-existent) confrontation with Rabb, simply because she had left with the Australian. Deep sigh. Sarah brought both her hands to her face, conscious of the need for the discussion that would surely follow, but dreading it nonetheless. How to even begin? She racked her brain for a way to minimize the pain inflicted on them both.

Nothing came to mind.

_Gasp._

Quickly uncovering her sight, she barely had time to open her mouth, a question on the tip of her tongue, when Mic grabbed her hand, swiftly yanking it towards his side of the table. No need for words then, the source of his surprise already made loud and clear.

She no longer wore his ring.

On either hand.

None to gently, the woman retrieved her hand and waited for the shouting and accusation and all the crap a fiancé felt entitled to spout in a moment like this. She wasn't disappointed. Harsh words soon dripped with venom from his pursed lips, Mic's voice dangerously on the edge of being a scream, yet still too close to being a whisper.

A terribly deafening whisper.

"What is the meaning of this, Sarah? What the bloody hell is going on? I refuse to continue being made a fool of!!" Pause. "So? Say something?"

She withdrew the ring from a pocket, gently putting it on his hand. She was too tired to take offence, too bone weary to try justifying things. And the words he had demanded from her, she didn't speak. Honestly, what was there to say? This wasn't a case to be argued in court. There were no set of rules, nothing to guide her the right way. Sure, he deserved an explanation, but Mac couldn't even comprehend all this herself… How could she possibly explain it to him?

_She couldn't._

The fact that it wouldn't have worked, mattered little now.

They had been fooling themselves the first time around. Nothing indicated things would turn out different now. The feelings were the same. Best to end it now, before things got more complicated… Before they all got hurt, worse than they were now.

"Bloody Hell, Sarah." Fingers closed around the cold metal of the ring, forming a fist. He squeezed it tight, until the edges of it started pressuring the rough skin of his hand. "At least, tell me what this means!!"

He had stopped trying not to shout.

"It means…" She didn't like the way her voice broke mid sentence, so she paused, swallowed and tried again. "It means that we are not getting married." She maintained their gazes locked. "I wasn't being honest with you, Mic and you weren't being honest with yourself…"

He diverted his eyes.

"And I may love you, but I'm certain now that I'm not in love with you." Gulp. "It's better this way, Mic. Really… It's better that we do this now, before I end up hurting you more and…" She stopped.

Harm's name echoed in her ears, even if she had not spoken it. In her mind's eye, she could see her flyboy flailing in the cold waters of the Atlantic… Lost and dying.

_All because of her._

She shock her head, determined to finish what she started as soon as possible, so she could go home and cry. Sarah Mackenzie just felt so tired…

Michael Brumby considered arguing his point. He was a lawyer, after all. He thought of all the times she had hesitated and how his persistence had convinced Sarah to give him a chance. He thought of the future he had planned for them. He thought of the pain, already beggining to throb in his chest, that loosing her would bring him.

And then, he stopped.

What had that gotten him in the end?

The decision, he could clearly see in his Sarah's tormented eyes. For the first time since he found her wrapped in Rabb's arms, Mic noticed the glaringly obvious changes. How could he have missed them until now? The longer, darker hair; the trace of dried blood on her right temple; the slump of her usually proud shoulders…

Sarah looked tired, heavy and completely resigned.

She almost didn't seem like his Sarah at all.

Considerably calmer, Mic retained the frown on his brow as he opened his mouth to question her present state. He had no time to form the words, though, because as soon as Mac realized his closer inspection of her, she shook her head lightly in the negative.

_Please, don't._

"I'm trying to do the right thing here, Mic, please don't make it harder that it already is." She fought, but failed, to keep a tiny sob from escaping.

"Are you okay, Sarah? What happened?" Anger completely gone, there was only concern in his voice. She looked away once more.

"Just… don't, okay? Please?" she pleaded, seeing finally a small nod of consent. For her, years had passed, but it had become obvious that she was far from being over this particular emotional scar.

_Still a wound now…_

This relationship had been like a fortress built on sand, it was inevitably doomed to crumble. But it had been a home, for a little while at least, and Sarah was saddened by its loss.

Mac gave him a small smile that seemed pained and took too much effort to look like anything, but a grimace. She got up. Before disappearing from sight completely, Mic saw and felt her place a hand softly on his shoulder.

A silent thank you.

And just like that, she changed the course of her life.

Her fate.

The rest would be uncharted territory.

Sarah just couldn't decide if that was good thing or not.

After all, the road might have been hard and filled with pain, but she had cherished the outcome.

_Lost now…_

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REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! Please? As a side note, I will be posting new chaps on Friday. It seems that Saturday is too busy for me now to update.


	7. Lost amid the storm

**DISCLAIMER**: in the first chapter...

**A/N:** Thank you all for the wonderful reviews!! As promised, new update day is Friday. Again, don't forget to review; they can brighten the darkest of days!!

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**CHAPTER 7****: Lost amid the storm…**

_Déjà vu…_

It wasn't the scene exactly. It wasn't Mic's strong arm around her trim waist or even the two of them together, though that upset him enough as it was.

_No…_

It was something else that stirred such convoluted feelings within the Commander.

_Never._

It was nothing she said per say. Nothing she did exactly. But the terrible finality of her departure had sent a spear of pain right through his miserable heart. It was watching her walk away from him. Harm couldn't explain it, anymore than Mac's erratic behavior earlier. Like a book written in a language he did not know, he failed to grasp the meaning of all this.

He felt broken though.

Completely and utterly shattered.

_Answers…_

Harm stopped his descent into despair. He was, above all else, a seeker of truth and until he learned said truth, he was doomed to remain in this horrible place. Limbo. Snapping back to reality by will alone, the tall man retraced his steps. Deep breath. He paid very little attention to the blatantly obvious stares following his every move.

Taking only a second to recompose himself, Harm knocked firmly on the oak door marked only by the golden plaque. "PRIVATE". He waited. A gruff, deeply annoyed bark ordered his entrance. The order was quickly complied. The Commander came to stand at attention before his CO's large desk.

AJ watched his officer's every move with barely contained anger. The admiral hated being left out of the loop, especially where his command was concerned. Rabb's insubordination earlier was just the icing of the cake.

"Can you explain to me, Commander, what exactly is going on?" With arms crossed and careful stress to the man's rank, there was no room left for doubt. It was an order.

"I don't know sir." It was spoken matter of factly, but Chegwidden didn't miss the slight waver to his lawyer's voice.

"You don't know?" arms were left loose and the superior officer brought his face inches from the former aviator. He sounded like a drill sergeant.

Harm didn't move or flinch.

AJ deflated.

"Take a seat, Commander." He sat too. Carefully massaging his aching temples, he willed the terrible pressure building there to dissipate.

No such luck.

"Sir, I have no answers for you." Hesitation… "But… Could you tell me, sir, what happened before I woke up?" Harm fought to maintain his face neutral under AJ's intense gaze.

He nodded.

As the older man recounted the entire situation, trying to include all the details he recalled, he couldn't help but take notice of the frown growing on Rabb's forehead. His feelings exactly.

"What is the last thing you remember, Harm?"

"Being here and…" he trailed off.

Because it wasn't the last thing he remembered. The moments he started the sentence, a memory assaulted his vision. A car; Mac's smiling face; bright light; pain… unbearable pain; then nothing. Harm couldn't make head or tails of the strange flashes he saw, but he couldn't stop the images from replaying themselves, over and over again, in front of his pale blue eyes.

Registering his officer's pause, AJ called out his name quietly, yet firmly, drawing the tall man's attention back to the conversation at hand.

"I can vaguely recall a car… I think it was mine. Mac was there with me. Something happened… A light and then, I don't know…" Confusion fell upon them both. It didn't fit.

How could reason make sense of these inexplicable events? Where was the logic of blood that tainted unmarred skin, no wounds…What could they make out of holes that pierced strong fabric with nothing but air? Reality felt betrayed and they felt themselves completely lost.

Head shakes, a small mirthless laugh escaping Harm's dry lips.

"That's crazy talk, sir. I apologize" Sigh… "Permission to be dismissed, sir!" Small nod of consent, no words needed.

But AJ Chegwidden had seen too much. He was the sole witness of Mac's wound, flourishing from thin air. Only his eyes saw blood materializing onto Rabb's uniform from nowhere, saw him collapse like a piece of timber. And, although unable to make sense of it all, he couldn't dismiss it. It had happened.

Physical proof denied the possibility of him loosing his mind…

_No._

Pretending nothing was wrong surely wouldn't make the problem go away. That's a lesson Harmon seemed to have a struggling difficulty learning.

"You should take a week's leave as well, Commander. Try and sort out your problems with the Colonel, whatever they are, before I am _forced_ to take more drastic measures."

The Admiral needed not specify, Harm had heard all that had remained unsaid. He didn't even attempt to refute the existence of conflict between Mac and himself. He knew a lost argument when it hit him in the head.

He left.

And AJ felt, in the second the door clicked shut behind the former aviator, a terrible ominous feeling settle in the pit of his stomach. It had been steadily growing since he first notice Mac's head wound, but it had reached it's speak with Harm's final departure.

He couldn't help the dread that accompanied said feeling.

_Sigh…_

The SEAL operative prayed for the best…


	8. Assault by reality

**DISCLAIMER**: in the first chapter...

**A/N:** It has been brought to my attention that I have a cliffie problem. I'm sorry!! I'm alreaady getting adequate help, but I make no promises. KEEP REVIEWING!

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**CHAPTER 8****: Assault by reality…**

Curious stares followed the officer all the way to his car. He surely made an odd sight, shirt completely covered in blood. It should have drawn more unwanted attention then it actually did, but no one stopped him to make questions. Not even security. The stares, though, followed him from a distance, hardly discreet, but silent nonetheless.

_Snort._

Gossip had, without a doubt, already been thoroughly spread. Nothing but utmost efficiency should be expected from the Navy. Everyone knew, then.

So intent on his indignation, Harm spared little, if no thought to the particulars of his actions… Cover off; briefcase on the passenger seat; long body carefully folded to fit the red convertible.

_Fall… _

Suddenly he was transported from the car. The images from earlier assaulted him once more, only this time in agonizing slow motion. Everything, oh so terribly slow, including the iron piercing the skin of his chest. He saw, heard, felt. Harm couldn't breathe, couldn't move, couldn't see.

Then, a face swam into view. A man he didn't know, surrounded by an aureole of blue and red, was speaking to him. Harm couldn't discern what.

_Flashes of light…_

Spinning drew his head in all directions. He could feel a tube down his throat and uncountable hands poking and prodding his body. His eyes had trouble focusing, but he could vaguely make out the various shapes of people he didn't particularly recognize crowding him.

_Darkness…_

In the nothingness he dove into, all became clear. The nine years it took him and Sarah to get it right and all the memories in between suddenly washed over him, clear as day. He could remember everything, as though nothing had been forgotten.

The dream, though… Or hallucination, depending on the drugs his body had surely been pumped with, faded slowly. It felt like he was seeing it through a dark veil. Near, yet completely out of reach.

_Chegwidden…_

_Sarah…_

_Mic…_

Almost like they were someone else's memories, there were only disconnected flashes and parts of conversations he could scarcely recall. But what he could remember had felt so real, that it was also hard to believe it had been nothing more than his mind frolicking in LaLa land.

_Sarah…_

Her name echoed all around him. That was when he realized he didn't know. He hadn't seen Mac during his brief period of clarity. Hadn't heard her voice. Didn't know if she was okay.

_Despair._

With all the will he could muster, the dark haired man fought against the comforting blackness, seeking wakefulness with the same determination he used when arguing the law. And the pain, terribly consuming and nearly unbearable, instead of discouraging him, served as an anchor he could cling to.

_Brightness._

Another face swam into focus this time. Bud. Harm couldn't hear his friend's words, but he got the gist of it pretty quickly. _Don't move_. A second was all it took the Captain to register the rough feeling of his throat obstructed, though still his lungs breathed.

Respirator…

Harm waited, ignoring the thousand pinpricks attacking his body and chest specially. Soon a doctor could be seen entering the room. Off came the tube. The man in white used the stethoscope to listen to his lungs and the doctor's salt and pepper hair bobbed up and down. Harm assumed that was a good thing.

Sounds slowly and surely reached his ears once more and the patient caught his caretaker's eyes.

"I'm Doctor Rivera. How are you feeling, Mister Rabb? Trouble breathing?" Harm only shrugged lightly. The rest hurt too much.

"Hurts…" the voice, so hoarse and unused, sounded incredibly foreign to him. Not only that, the effort it took to speak that single word was enough to leave the Captain exhausted.

The pain wouldn't hinder him, though.

"Mac?" Bud Roberts stepped forward, coming into view. The doctor, confused, followed his patient's intense gaze, meeting the stricken face of the other man in the room.

No more words were really needed.

All it took was one look at the Lieutenant Commander's expressively sad eyes, for Harm to feel his heart constrict.

_No…_

"Bud?" he hadn't the strength to form longer sentences. That one name, though, spoken with such a pleading tone, managed to convey all the desperation he felt. He needed to know. Needed to hear it, even if hearing it would make it more real than he wanted to believe it could be.

_Don't tell me she's gone!_

_I saw her!_

The graying man shook his head, diverting his eyes. The floor seemed, suddenly, like the most interesting thing in the world. The reality was too harsh and the words burned his throat, refusing to be spoken. Telling Harm made it final. No denying it then.

Chocked sob.

_It couldn't be real__…_

"Sir…" eyes back up, Harm saw the red tinting his friend's eyes. Blue eyes that swan in tears, already overflowing. Bud's hesitation was marred by guilt he did not own, but felt nonetheless_._

After all, it had been Bud's idea to surprise Mattie with the wonderful news.

"Harm… She…" Another pause and a heartening sob. "She was bleeding inside and they tried, but…" he couldn't seem to finish.

No need anymore. There was no doubt left about it.

Harm's body, coiled and tensed until that moment, fell back against the bed. His long frame lost all strength and seemed to dwarf in the small bed it was lying on. His usually warm blue orbs stared at nothing, unseeing. His skin paled. His heart slowed, yet did not stop, no matter how many shards it had already been broken into.

He stopped listening.

Harmon Rabb didn't notice the doctor calling for assistance or Bud stepping back. He didn't register the yellowed liquid that was injected into his veins or the rushed words exchanged.

Still, he welcomed the obliviousness of his imposed sleep, all the while wishing he could return to his car and swerve before it was too late. He wished they had never decided to go to Blacksbury in the first place. He wanted to go back to that place where she had been alive, his dream, his hallucination. He longed for her, wrapped around his arms, still alive.

He wasn't sure he wanted to live in a world she no longer inhabited.

He felt lost.

Harm didn't know who he prayed to exactly. The bargains he made, the things he offered… promises he had no intention of breaking, if only….

But she wasn't coming back.

Anguish…

Despair…

Desolation…

_Sarah._


	9. Personal insanity

**DISCLAIMER**: in the first chapter...

**A/N**: I have a couple of shout outs to my wonderful revirewers. First: you guys rock! Second: assume nothing.And third: I am not a Gorilla, so keep hope and keep reading! Okay, gypsyrose06?

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**CHAPTER ****10: Personal insanity…**

The second time he awakened, head pounding and heart shattered, Harm was met by Admiral Chegwidden himself.

The moment his eyes focused on the figure of his CO, Harm felt hope surge through his tired body. Maybe the accident had been a nightmare, after all. The lack of uniform, the red tinted eyes and ragged appearance of the older man, though, was swift in its confirmation of reality.

And what a terrible reality it was.

Sobs racking his entire body, Harm allowed himself to cry for the loss of her and the future he hadn't thought possible a few weeks before. The tall Captain didn't know exactly how long the tears had consumed him. It didn't matter. It could have been an eternity for all he could tell.

Throat sore and eyes swollen, Harm started feeling an all consuming numbness overtake him and with it a calmness he could not control. Tears ran up and pain faded. Rabb turned to finally meet the retired Admiral's anguished gaze.

No words were exchanged.

What could be said in a moment like this that wouldn't sound empty? How to choose words you knew, before even speaking, wouldn't console a loss of this magnitude?

Only silence could commiserate with the measureless hollow within.

And it was with silence, that Harm faced the doctor, as he reentered the room. It was with a quiet nod, that he acknowledged his own prognosis. Without sound, he had allowed AJ to help him get dressed in his dress whites for the funeral he had no part in planning. Without verbal protest, he had sat in the wheelchair that allowed him to attend the burial.

Others mourned his loss without speaking and Harm almost thanked them for it. But that would require words and he had no strength to form them.

He said nothing when the hospital loomed back into view, or when he was taken back to his room.

AJ, resigned and understanding of his silence, said nothing in return. After making sure his friend, for he remained one still, had been settled, the former admiral had gently placed a hand on the other man's shoulder, and then turned to leave.

Harm didn't try to stop him.

He just stared ahead, unseeing, no thoughts in his mind or sounds in his ears. The pain on his chest, which had been growing exponentially throughout the day, had finally become unbearable and Harm had welcomed the harsh physical reminder that blood still cursed through his veins.

Focusing all his attention on the tiny pinpricks weighting down on him, Harm closed his eyes.

Immediately, images assaulted his closed lids.

_A marine, low rank, looming over him, much like Bud had been when he first woke up…_

_A leather wheel against his face…_

_The JAG building looming in the distance…_

_Commander?_

_Can you hear me?_

Sharp intake of breath.

Harm's eyes flew open.

He was back in his room, white sterile walls surrounding him. But for a single moment, Harm could have sworn he was somewhere else. For that brief second before opening his eyes, he had seen his red car, JAG HQ and heard himself being called by a rank he no longer possessed.

A tear rolled down his left cheek and a small shudder rolled through him. The glimpse of that dream he had had during his unconscious hours, right after the accident, was just another sharp blade cutting his already hurting heart. It was like his mind refused to acknowledge her absence, creating, to satisfy its need to have her close, a whole new world for her to inhabit.

A place within him, she had always had.

A nurse, short, with blond hair, approached his bed and took his vitals. Harm didn't have to know anything about Medicine to be able to tell his heart was racing. He could feel it pounding mercilessly against his wounded chest. The nurse didn't try to talk to him, like she had before, already accepting his decision not to answer. Still, he could see in her frown, the question she wanted to ask.

_Nightmare?_

"No… The nightmare is in waking up." Harm surprised even himself when his mouth had opened and the words left his sore, unused throat.

The nurse, older than him, slowly nodded and he saw in her diverted gaze an understanding he had not anticipated.

"Would you like something to help you sleep?" her voice was deep and somewhat soothing, but Harm gently shook his head, refusing the offer. As much as that dream was tempting, the knowledge of its fakeness made it too much for Harm to handle. It would be like loosing her every time wakefulness commandeered him.

It was best not to sleep.

So he didn't.

For four days straight, Captain Harmon Rabb Jr. fought hard not to sleep, slumber or even close his eyes. His somber attitude drove away the few visitors brave enough to face his haunted gaze. His fragile stomach refused food with a vehemence that had little to do with the quality of the meals the hospital prepared.

Doctors spoke of depression and a psychiatrist came and went without being fully acknowledged.

In the end, his exhausted body organized a mutiny against him and dreamland claimed him completely.

No flashes assaulted him this time, but in the darkness that surrounded him wholly, Harm could hear, distant and faint, Mac calling his name. And, although he wished nothing more than to answer her calling, a part of him stayed firmly in place.

Still she called, never approaching or widening the distance. Her voice, low, the way she used to speak his name, beckoned him without pause. She didn't sound distressed, or angry. In fact, his name sounded like a prayer she was trying not to forget.

Tempted, Harm allowed his focus to shift, bringing her voice closer and closer. Darkness prevailed still. And every inch that shortened the distance between them seemed to take him further apart from the pain in his chest and that distinctive hospital smell.

He hesitated.

Could this be his descent into madness, he wondered. Could his own personal insanity have such a clearly defined name?

This strong willed lawyer and aviator wanted to believe himself stronger than that. Even though Sarah Mackenzie had managed to ingrain herself within the deepest confines of his soul, Harm had trouble admitting that she had been his world. Her absence hurt, shattered, broke…

_But did that mean the end?_

_Couldn't life go on?_

It could.

If only he wished it to, which he didn't.

Harm stopped hesitating and took the plunge towards the voice, which hadn't faltered in all the time he had been debating with himself. If this dream, or hallucination, meant he had lost his marbles…

_If only his mind was able__ follow her at this time…_

He would take it.

To see her again, to hold her close… No matter the price, Harm considered it worth it, even if it couldn't last long. A night unconscious on that hospital bed, a moment with his eyes closed… An eternity if he could have her near.

Light blinded his eyes and a hand shook firmly his left shoulder.

He awoke.

Inside his red corvette, under the scrutiny of a nervous looking marine and near the JAG building, he opened his eyes. The blood on his shirt, almost dried, hid no wounds underneath; no broken bones prevented him from rising to his feet, which he promptly did, just to prove he could.

Frowning, he glanced around, still some-what unbelieving.

It seemed real.

It felt real.

Why couldn't it be real, for just a little while?

Harm smiled a tentative smile, her name on his lips.

_Sarah…_

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REVIEW!

Side note... have you guys noticed that ff keep duplicating the first line of he document when you upload it? And that it keeps stubbornly ommiting the format you had previously put? Just had to say something; ignore me.


	10. Is reality only that which is real?

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N:** First, thank you for your awsome reviews**.** I am not completely satisfied with this chapter. Please tell me what you think. If necessary, I'll trash it.

* * *

**CHAPTER ****11: Is reality only that which is real?**

_Click…_

The lock retracted and the cream colored door creaked as it slowly opened. Mac, still standing at the threshold allowed her eyes to sweep the apartment, noting, with a heavy heart, that she hadn't been wrong in her earlier prediction.

_Unpacked…_

Little had changed in the apartment over the years and Mac had to admit that it looked a lot like she remembered her own to be before the boxes ad suitcases had overcrowded the living room. It was familiar and welcoming.

Still, she didn't enter.

It looked like her home, but it wasn't and Sarah felt unsure if it ever would again. Seeing it now, with the light softly touching some corners, she couldn't help but face it like it was hostile territory. Allowing her lids to fall down along with her head, she breathed in deeply.

Sarah wasn't ready.

It was becoming clearer by the second, that this was not a nightmare and that she wasn't likely to wake up any time soon. Too many things, concrete things, didn't allow her to pretend all was as it should have been. The practical lawyer had even considered the possibility of her own insanity.

_Either way…_

She pulled the door closed, locked it again and retraced her steps back to her front sidewalk. And there she stood, uniform slightly crumpled, hair a mess and eyes hauntedly fixed on the gray concrete. Cars passed by her sporadically and clouds gathered in the skies, forming shadows in the pavement.

She frowned.

Sarah had allowed herself enough self pity and the marine in her wished to take a more proactive approach to this mess. Actually, the little jarhead upon her right shoulder wanted to bash little teary-eyed Sarah in the head for being so weak and defeatist. But, alas, self flagellation had never been a character trait she indulged in and the diminutive, strong beauty in marine green was content to fall back on her training.

_A good offence is usually the best defense._

She hailed a cab.

If the driver noticed her disheveled appearance, the look of absolute determination upon her striking features made sure he didn't comment on it. Soon, the brownstone building came into view and the colonel sent the cabbie on his way.

She strode purposely past the security, barely slowing down for the marine on duty to see her identification and was walking fast towards the entrance, when something in the corner of her eye caught her attention.

Sarah turned sideways and faltered.

Standing, in his summer whites, with his chest a close match to the bright color of his beautiful convertible, was Harmon Rabb. He was looking a bit displaced, Mac noticed, and the young marine posted near her tall partner, who seemed to agree, was ready to help him.

"Sir, I must insist. You were out of it for awhile, maybe you should go to the hospital and get yourself checked out." But Harm seemed almost not to hear his words. Moments before, his eyes sweeping the parking lot, Harm had glanced her way and smiled.

Of all the things she had been expecting, that wide, knee-bending smile that always made butterflies flutter in her stomach was certainly not it. Her own mouth twitched at its left corner and her lips curved involuntarily up. Before she could even think of doing more, he took long, rushed strides until he was only a few inches from her.

She looked up.

In the light blue irises of his caring eyes, Mac saw something that had been lacking in the Admiral's office. Her Harm… The one, who had followed her blindly to Paraguay, without measuring the consequences; the one, who had caused those sleepless nights during his stint with the CIA; the one, who had promised to wait forever; the one, who had rushed to her hospital bed on Christmas's Eve; the one, who had huskily proposed between searing overdue kisses.

Tears brimming her eyes escaped at the corners without her notice or care.

"Harm?" his thumb brushed her left cheek, taking with it the moisture of the descending tears. "My Harm?" his smile widened, seeing in her the woman he had lost when the light engulfed them both.

"Heads or tails, Marine?" For a single millisecond, where the meaning of his words eluded her, she felt tears start anew, this time of sadness. Then, a brilliant smile overtook her entire face.

"Tails…"

Strong arms snaked around her waist and soon, Sarah felt herself being lifted off her feet. Reflexively throwing her arms over his shoulders and around his neck, she allowed her body to mold itself to Harm's. The little Marine and little Sarah both gave in easily, holding him close.

Harm tightened the embrace until there was barely any air between their meshed bodies. Mac was so tightly pressed against his chest, that the woman could hardly breathe… She didn't complain, though. Safety was deep within his arms and she'd rather be no where else.

The handsome officer buried his face tenderly in the nook of her slender shoulder, breathing in the soft scent that was uniquely her. The desperate wish to never let go was overwhelming, as Harm had already expected it to be. In this moment, what was real - what was illusion - didn't matter.

For this instant, she was real.

_Breathe._

When their breathing calmed, matching the other, they simultaneously relaxed their tense hold, never releasing completely, though. Mac's feet touched the ground gently and she pulled back a bit. Harm did the same without question and they came, once again, face to face.

Only closer. Much closer.

Harm seemed oblivious to the rest of the world, but Mac caught some movement in the corner of her eyes. It didn't take much for her brain to register their audience. Taking another step back, she searched blindly with her right hand, catching his left one, and maneuvered his longer body towards his car.

Together, they left, uncaring of the stares and the whispers following their wake.

And in that red convertible, sitting side by side, it almost felt like coming full circle.

_Yet not._


	11. Words required

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N:** Two things. Sorry for the delay in posting, life demanded attention. Also, I need opinions on this. At this point in the story, I came face to face with a fork... I wrote two possible outcomes. So, review!!

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**CHAPTER ****12: Talking it through, words required…**

Starting a conversation after so long of drowning silence is harder than they had imagined it to be. All the words they had avoided in the past urged to be spoken. Needed to be spoken. Too many misunderstanding and unnecessary pain had been brought on by things they had chosen no to say.

How to say it all that needed to be said, though?

Eyes avoided contact, unsure.

Mac and Harm were sitting side by side on her couch, shoulders lightly touching. In a way, not looking at each other felt like a conscious effort to maintain distance. Their joined hands resting upon Harm's lap, on the other hand, kept both connected and represented a change from their usual behavior.

Now was not the time for avoidance.

Mac, eyes fixed somewhere far off, squeezed his hand gently. A nervous laugh escaped her parted lips. The spell was broken. Leaning her head to rest on Harm's broad shoulder, she allowed herself to let go of a long sigh. Harm released her hand and embraced her, pulling both their bodies backwards to rest on the couch.

Harm was the first to speak.

"What was the last thing you remember?" There was no need to explain it further.

"A bright light engulfing you and pain. Then I woke up in the Admiral's office, still engaged to Mic… You didn't remember." The last bit was said with a small voice, which betrayed the hurt she had felt then.

Harm tightened his hold on her, never wanting to let go.

"I didn't… I just felt like there had been something I was missing." He swallowed hard. "It wasn't until I woke up… _back there_… in a hospital, that I remembered. By then, Bud was telling me you were…" He couldn't bring himself to say it. "I thought this was all a dream, that I had finally lost it."

Mac laughed then, not because it was funny. It wasn't. But his words hit too close to what she had been feeling up until an hour before. This whole situation seemed to be too insane to be real.

Yet, here they were.

She pulled back a little, never leaving his embrace and cocked her head to the side.

"How did you…?" _Come back?_ Was that the right way to refer to this new reality? Were they in the past? One could get a real headache just considering thinking about it.

"I could hear your voice every time I fell asleep." Staring at his beautiful blue eyes, Mac saw the sadness that had lingered there. "I imagined it must have been insanity calling for me… Didn't think I even wanted to live without you, Sarah."

"I think I'm here pretty permanently… Considering…" _That I died_. She looked away, hiding her face in the nook of his neck. "But you? How do we know you'll stay here? Do you want to stay here?" If his ear hadn't been so very close to her mouth, Harm would've missed her whispered words.

"I don't know…"

And he didn't.

He didn't know if going back was possible or if staying with her was even a choice he could make. Because, if dying was what kept Sarah Mackenzie in this new world permanently, how was he going to make sure killing himself would bring him back here?

_And, what about Mattie?_

_And Bud?_

_His mom?_

If she had voiced the question, which she didn't, Harm would have readily told his love that being with her was worth any risk. But, at the same time, he wouldn't have hidden his concerns.

_How to explain to those he would be leaving behind, that he wouldn't really be gone? _

"I don't know…"

For a long time they remained like that, in each other's arms, fighting worry and sleep. But, like Harm had learned, when you fought a loosing battle, it was only a matter of time before you were forced to surrender. And, when darkness engulfed him, Harm wished with all his might that he wouldn't be forced to choose.

He should have known life wouldn't be that easy.


	12. Goodbye

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N: **I know it is really short, but this chap marks the beginning of a new phase for this story. Next chapter, a lot of answers will be given. Keep comments coming and remember the end is not set in stone; I take suggestions.

Delay due to hangover... don't ask. Let's just say that mixing rum, tequila and brandy is NOT a good idea.

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CHAPTER **13: SORROWFUL GOODBEY**

The first thing that hit him was the strong smell of antiseptic.

Then, came the slight burning pain on his chest.

_Nothing more…_

He knew he was back at the hospital, in a world where Sarah didn't exist anymore.

_Sigh._

Harmon allowed his eyes to slowly open, the harsh light in the room making such task a bit hard. Once his blurry vision settled, he easily identified the lump draped over his left arm. _His mom_. The discomfort of his present condition forced him to shift a little.

Trish Burnett needed no more to bolt upright.

That's when he caught her red, puffy eyes. He hadn't expected that. Harm curved his lips slightly and she smiled in return. The doubts that had already been lingering within his mind grew stronger at the relieved look on his mother's worn face.

_How could he do that to her?_

_To Mattie, lying in a hospital bed?_

_To AJ, already heartbroken at having lost his Auntie Mac?_

How would he ever be able to explain this so they would understand? That if he died, if he ended his own life in this world, it wouldn't really be the end for him? How to convince them, if he wasn't sure himself?

A tear formed in the corner of his right eye and fell, tracing his cheek in a soft caress. In that single tear, Harm mourned the loss of a woman already buried and the terrible abandonment he would be condemning his Sarah to suffer, while trapped in that other world.

Because he couldn't do it.

He couldn't be selfish like that.

And the moment he made this decision, a horrible silence fell upon his mind. His beloved marine's voice, which had permeated the dark and kept him company, faded. Suddenly, a void he had never imagined possible descended within his chest and Harm cried.

Sobbed; absolute sorrow coming out of his body in waves.

Mac?


	13. This? The rest of my life

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N: **Well... I could give you guys all sorts of excuses, but let's be honest here. I trashed all the chapters already writen for this and had to rewrite. Life, on the other hand, didn't agree. I have a new course for this story, which means it's going to be longer than I had originally planned. My last attempt lacked some answers.

Thank you all who reviewed until now and I hope I havent lost you guys. I will strive to update timely like I have been doing - every week. Thanks for the patience and let me know what you thing!

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CHAPTER 13: THIS… THE REST OF MY LIFE?

The first thing she noticed upon waking, was the silence.

Her eyes remained closed, her body still numb and unresponsive. Her nose stayed buried in the pillow. But the silence in her over-sensitive ears seemed deafening. Worse, it wasn't the lack of sounds – she could hear home birds, cars rushing by, tress rustling. Sigh. The problem was the breathing. She could hear her own.

But she couldn't hear his.

_Dread. _

No other word could possibly describe the drop of her stomach, the tightening of her heart… Sarah Mackenzie cracked her eyes open, heavy lids protesting the sudden workout. Bright light blinded her for a moment. When her surroundings cleared, dread turned into terrible sadness.

She was lying on the couch, alone.

Slowly, Mac blinked and sat up. A general sweep of the cream colored living room served only to further attest her loneness. Tears welled up and were blinked away. No crying. She would not be reduced to a blubbering mess. Not quite yet.

"Harm?"

First, a whisper, then her voice grew in volume until it reached desperation.

"Harm!?"

No one answered, though. Refusing to believe him really gone, Mac got up and checked the bathroom, the bedroom and the kitchen. Again, no one, no note and no sign that he had ever been there at all.

Sarah breathed in deeply, raised her chin up and pursed her lips. Still wearing the previous day's uniform, now a crumpled mess, she put the low heeled pumps on, grabbed the car keys near the front door and yanked the door open.

Sharp intake of breath, step back.

"Admiral!"

AJ Chegwidden frowned at the sight of his usually straight Chief of Staff looking so absolutely rumpled. Make up smeared and long hair wild, she bore a look of lost little girl he had never seen upon her beautiful face before.

"Colonel." When Mac did nothing but stare, AJ continued. "My I come in?" She stepped back, allowing him entrance.

The naval officer half expected to find Harm Rabb Jr. sitting on the couch. He was, however, disappointed. Glancing over his shoulders, the Admiral caught Mac self consciously fixing her hair; something he pretended not to see.

"Uh… Admiral, sir. What can I do for you today?"

He turned around.

"An interesting rumor has reached my ears Colonel. That coupled with yesterday… Well," Mac's face betrayed her. "anything you would like to tell me?" Half standing at attention, she glanced down.

A different approach was in order.

"Sarah…" She met his worried gaze. "I'm worried about you… and Harm!" Flinch. "And I can only help you if I know what's going on."

Sir, I… I wouldn't even know where to start. And I am sure that even if I could explain myself, you wouldn't be able to help." There was a defiant tone that match much better her usual reaction.

Sigh… That didn't aid him at the moment.

"At least, be more forthcoming than Rabb was."

Mac's eyes widened, startled.

"When did you talk to him?" Pause. "Sir."

AJ couldn't quite place the eagerness and apprehension radiating from his Chief of Staff. Nothing, since yesterday morning, had made any sense. And, he had honestly tried to understand. Blood that came from nowhere, wouldn't that appeared out of the blue…

"Yesterday, after you left and today. Less than an hour ago, actually."

Lips parted and a smile grew. A happy smile. AJ frowned. He hadn't said anything to warrant such a reaction. Had he?

"What did he say?"

"Colonel, I tried to approach this in a calm, collected manner. I won't, however, be made a fool of. What is going on?" Arms crossed, feet apart, shoulders thrown back and face twisted in disapproval – Chegwidden looked every bit the commanding officer that he was. "Now."

"I…"

Mac hadn't been kidding when she had proclaimed her situation beyond explanation. Time travel? Parallel travel? Hallucinations? She didn't even know herself what was going on. All she knew was that, no matter how she told it, the Admiral would have her committed in flash. The man couldn't be easily deterred, though.

In two long strides, he was beside the telephone. No permission asked. Hand set, 7 numbers, a brief silence. "Commander Rabb, I expect you in twenty minutes at Colonel Mackenzie's apartment. Am I understood?" Another brief moment of quiet wait, then AJ hung up.

"Sir, I…"

"You've lost your chance, Colonel. When the Commander gets here, I'll expect some answers."

"Yes, sir!"


	14. A tear and a doubt

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N:** What, a second chapter? It's short, but I couldn't leave it for next week. You guys deserve it.

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CHAPTER 14: A TEAR AND A DOUBT

Twenty minutes never passed by so slowly.

Mac's private agony was put to an end only by the loud knock on the wooden door. Harm. The wait, though, replaced as it was by the terrible apprehension. Of finding out what she already dreaded. Without thinking, she jumped to her feet and raced to the door. AJ refrained from commenting.

Door opened, Harmon Rabb coming into view.

"Harm!"

"Colonel, hello."

It didn't take a genius to notice the dazed look Harm wore. Freshly dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, clean faced and unsure stance, he looked nothing like he had the night before. In fact, his eyes gave him away. He wasn't the same man as the night before.

Sarah Mackenzie deflated.

_Not again…_

She stilled herself against the horrible pain blundering her heart, squared her shoulders and stepped aside, allowing the man entrance. Harm stepped inside, offering his CO a nod.

"So, Commander, explain to me what happened yesterday." AJ was done beating about the bush.

Harm shuffled his feet – actually shuffled his feet! -, giving off the image of lost little boy. The Admiral tried to remember if he had ever seen him do it before. The former SEAL felt his worry grow at the sight of such uncharacteristic behavior from his two most brave officers.

"Sir, I… I don't remember."

"What do you mean, you can't remember?" The officers snapped to attention; the strict voice demanding respect. To them, a natural reaction when a senior officer grew angry.

"I left the office, sir, and got into my car. Can't remember anything after that, Admiral."

_Made sense._

Mac reasoned that Harm - her Harm – had somehow replaced this version of Harm. She shouldn't have dared speculate as to how, or even why. The thought presented itself, however, and she could not ignore it. What would happen to this Harm if her dear Captain stayed for good? In fact, what had happened to him while Harm had been with her the night before?

_Oh!_

And, what about the other Mac?

"Colonel?"

The young woman wore a stricken mask over her worn face. Her eyes seemed to be focused in the distance. Three times, the Admiral called her. First by name, then by rank, his voice raising in volume at each try.

"Colonel!"

Mac snapped back to earth.

"Sorry, sir."

"Now is your chance, Colonel, to offer me some answers."

_What to say without sounding absolutely, raving mad?_


	15. Outside looking in

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N:** Thank you for sticking with me. Here is a little Harm for you, to keep Mac a bit in suspence. I like suspence... and cliffies. But I guess you've noticed that already.

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**CHAPTER ****15: OUTSIDE LOOKING IN**

You had to be a mother to understand.

Without knowing the joy of raising a child, the love one could imprint upon such a small creature, one could not understand a mother's pain when the possibility of outliving one's child came dangerously close to becoming reality.

Patricia Rabb considered herself blessed and cursed in that regard.

Twice she been faced with her son's possible demise and twice, her brave and stubborn boy had managed to pull free from the tight clutches of death. First, the rampstrike. For so long afterwards, Harm had buried himself in melancholy and self pity. If he hadn't found law… And then, just when he had decided to settle down and finally proposed to Sarah, fate had intervened in the cruelest of ways.

Like before, Harmon Rabb Junior had recovered from his injuries. Like the first time, the emotional pain surpassed the physical. Patricia could see every single emotional scar etched upon her son's handsome face.

_Destroyed._

Yes, he looked beyond broken.

The hope she could not extinguish from her motherly heart fought against the worry she could not hide. Harm had survived before, risen above the odds and even managed to fly again. But his eyes… Patricia had never seen such defeat within her son's light blue eyes.

Still, he would recover.

_He had to._

Patty used her body's weight to slow the wheelchair down. Hospital policy demanded that all released patients made use of it. The westerner had half expected Harm to complain the implication of his invalidation. He hadn't. Like a zombie, the tall aviator had simply moved his tired body onto the chair with wheels.

No smiles…

No words…

No reaction at all.

Frank and Bud helped her son transfer to the car and soon they were on their way. Sitting in the back seat, to keep her tall boy company, Patricia had a hard time finding what to say. Harm's unresponsive figure, though, wouldn't allow her to give up trying.

"Harmon? Are you sure you want to go to Blacksburg? Given your own injured, I am sure Mattie would understand, if…"

Harm's shaking head interrupted her logic.

"No, she needs me."

So much said with such economy of words. No matter; Patricia understood him just fine. He needed a lifeline to keep him grounded among the living.

"Okay."

--

She couldn't have done it without him.

With each step she took, aided only by a walking stick and her own determination, could and should be creditated to Harm Rabb. With quiet support and constant presence, he hadn't accepted anything but victory. Harm had lived for her only, this past year. Mattie couldn't have recovered without him.

The smile, which had been growing in the corner of her lips, halted, then faded.

Yes, he had been there for her. But… one needed to just gaze into his expressive eyes to know what he never said. Mac's name. The Marine had left a big hole in her guardian's heart, an emptiness he didn't even attempt to fill.

A part of her was glad to have him by her side. The rest of her, though, was constantly filled with doubt. Maybe it would have been better if Harm had joined Mac. It was horrible of her, she knew. And, every time such thoughts plagued her, Mattie pushed them away.

He was alive.

"Very good, Mattie!" The voice bore enthusiasm, the lips widened into a smile. Something was missing, though.

"Thank you, Harm… For everything." He grew serious.

"I would never abandon you, Mattie. I never break my promises."

The words were very Harm and would have, under normal circumstanced, brought a smile out of anyone who knew him. The way they were spoken, on the other hand, would have escaped most people's notice. Not the young girl, though. She saw the anguish keeping that promise had brought upon him.

She reached a hand, touching him on his left arm.

"Thank you."

A nod; an acknowledgement.

"Alright, back on the walker. Overdoing yourself will only hinder your recovery."

"Yes, sir!"

"Uhn?"

"What will you do when I'm fully recovered?"

"Throw you a party."

"Be serious." Harm walked slowly beside her, his languid pace designed to match hers. "You are on reserves from the Navy and I know you don't really like teaching at the Academy. It's all temporary." She turned her head sideways to watch his reaction. "What will you do when I'm off on my own?"

Hesitation.

"I… I don't know. Just keep going, I guess."

Mattie returned to her previous thought. He may have been alive, but he was hardily living. Not really. She sighed. The girl couldn't sit by and watch him sleep-walk through life.

"Harm?"

Again, that empty look in his blue eyes, the one you would see only when you caught him by surprise and he didn't have the time to mask it. Harm turned to face him.

"Do you miss her?"

Pain filled the emptiness… A longing aching for release.

"Yes."

"Like you missed your dad?" Sharp gaze followed his every reaction.

"Yes."

It was only after the answer had been given that Mattie truly realized the deepness of her question. She had only known Harm after the navy Captain had put his father's ghost to rest. But, for years, he had believed his father to be alive. Lost, yet still within reach.

_Had he too seen the implication of her question… and his reply?_

Mattie didn't have the courage to ask, too afraid of what his response might have turned out to be. So, she let it go, allowing silence to fall comfortably between them as the pair continued their stroll towards the car.

Forgetting her worry, at least temporarily, Mathilda Grace Rabb felt joy rush through her body. There, in the reflection of the car's closed window, was the Physical Rehab Center.

Finally, she would be able to leave it behind!

--

Uncle Harm didn't smile anymore.

_Not really._

The twins were crying at the top of their lungs again, worst than Jimmy had ever had before. Little AJ, however, considered himself to grown up to be affected by it anymore. Besides, the boy had his seven year old mind wrapped around much more important things.

Uncle Harm.

Ever since Auntie Mac had been called back to Heaven, his dear Uncle Harm hadn't been himself. So different… He still came to see him and his brothers and sister on the weekends, playing of airplanes and occasionally smiling. But it never really reached his eyes.

Not like they did when Auntie Mac had been around.

With the simple logic that only a simple young child could employ, AJ watched his godfather carefully, listing off to himself all the things he had taken notice. Yes, he smiled, just not happy smiles. On that note, AJ hadn't seen him cry either. Was it because grown man didn't cry? He was sure Uncle Harm had been sad when Auntie Mac had died. And when you're sad, you cried…

_Right?_

AJ had cried. Mommy had cried. Even Daddy had cried.

The boy got up, leaving his prized airplane model behind.

"Uncle Harm?"

"Yes?" Harm got up from his perch on the living room couch and met his godson halfway. "Is everything okay, AJ? The babies' bothering you?" The tall man dropped to his knee, thus bringing himself closer to the little blond boy's shorter height.

"Uncle Harm… do men cry?"

"Of course, AJ. Everybody cries."

"I didn't see you cry when Auntie Mac died…"

Harm smoothed the bangs out of AJ's eyes. They need to be cut soon.

"I cried."

"Cause you were very, very sad she had to go away?"

The man sighed and AJ saw sadness shimmering in his godfather's usually brilliant eyes. The boy couldn't find the words to describe what he saw exactly, but he felt something missing from those eyes. Even if he was still unable to quite explain it.

"No." Deep breath. "I cried, because I had to stay here and couldn't go with her."

"Why did you have to stay, Uncle Harm?"

"For my Mom, for your Daddy, for Mattie… and for you, little guy."

"You shouldn't stay here if you are sad, Uncle Harm You should look for Auntie Mac, just like you did when she got lost in the woods."

The innocent – oh, so simple – solution tugged at Harm's already tattered heart. To have a mind that knows no everlasting finality, no permanent death, would have been a heavenly respite from the overbearing pain.

"AJ…" Harm made sure to catch the boy's attention. "If I left – if I were to go find Auntie Mac – I would never be able to get back. You understand that? Never."

"Never?" That seemed to be too long a time for AJ to truly comprehend.

"You wouldn't see me anymore, just like you don't see Auntie Mac."

"Oh." Tears welled. "I would miss you very, very much, Uncle Harm."

"I know…"

AJ threw his arms around Harm's broad shoulders, hugging his godfather dearly. With his head buried, AJ cried, because everybody cried and the sadness he felt within could not be expressed in another way. Long minutes passed in silent comfort. Finally, a little more composed, AJ pulled back.

"I would be very sad, Uncle Harm… But." He wiped his nose at the sleeve of his t-shirt. "But I don't you to be sad. You should be with Auntie Mac forever!" Bravely, the boy gathered all his will. Deep breaths. "You have to find her , Uncle Harm. I don't want her to be lost."

"Oh, AJ."

Harm was crying, too.

"You have to, Uncle Harm, you have to! His voice, frantic, dropped then to a whisper. "We'll be alright."

It was the tall man that found hard to form the words this time What to say? There was nothing Harm pulled his dear godson close and hugged him close. AJ, understanding the hug, even if not the reason behind it, squeezed Harm back.

_I'll be alrig…_

_Alright._


	16. Truth comes spilling out

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N:** More Mac. Sorry for the delay, but thank you for the reviews, they make my week! Also, a wave to **mstars**... I LOVED TWILIGHT ZONE!! And you are right, this could very well fit in an epi. But hey, I warned this was AU!

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**CHAPTER 16: TRUTH COMES SPILLING OUT**

_"Now is your chance, Colonel, to offer me some answers."_

_What to say without sounding absolutely mad?_

Nothing.

There was nothing to say. No way would anyone ever believe her convoluted and bizarre story. Harm couldn't even back her up. No. And, even Mac herself was starting to question it.

_Time travel?_

_Parallel universes?_

_Hallucination?_

She didn't even know what was going on. For all she knew, Sarah Mackenzie might have succumbed to madness and not even know it. And, thinking of one's self in third person hardily qualified as sane.

_Sigh._

"Lieutenant Colonel Mackenzie!"

Mac's head snapped up; she had been too lost in thought to remember her guests. The Admiral didn't seem to please with that. The Commander, on the other hand, was staring at her as if she possessed all the answer to his questions.

Admiral, I understand your concern. But my personal life is private and I'd like to keep it that way. I don't want to bring it to the workplace, hence my request for time off."

With an incredulous look etched upon his strict features and arms crossed, AJ refuted such obvious brush off. He couldn't, however, force her to tell him her personal problems. The happenings on the Office the previous day, fortunately, concerned him as a Commanding Officer and AJ would enforce his right to know.

"You haven't, however, explained what happened yesterday, Colonel. And that is my business."

_Caught._

But no answer was presented... only silence.

Then something unexpected happened.

"Mac?"

Oh, she tried, but she just couldn't bring to look at him. Her eyes dropped to a vacant place just over the tall man's shoulder. Sigh again.

"Yes, Commander?" Such contempt imprinted upon his title that Harm hesitated.

"Uh... who is Mattie?"

The Admiral's Sharp eyes shot from the Colonel to the uninformed Commander. Mac's warm and surprised Brown eyes finally slid to meet the man before her.

"Mattie?" Could it be? "Wh- Where did you hear that name?"

"I don't know..."

Mac, tentatively, stepped closer. AJ was relegated to the side as a mere observer; a role he accepted. How else he would get to the bottom of this mess?

_Try_

"I..." Harm looked shy and unsure – so out of character for him. "I keep getting strange flashes. Like memories. But they are not my memories and they're hazy. Just beyond my reach."

Frown.

"What do you see?"

"You and I crashing a plane in the middle of a forest." Paraguay. "A strange airplane on a hidden air field." His work on the CIA. "A red haired girl..."

"Mattie."

Harm nodded. Her understanding prompted him on.

"The Admiral retiring. You telling me something important I can't quite hear..."

_Oh! The endometriosis._

Mac hadn't even thought about that.

"... Mattie lying on a hospital bed. A coin being tossed in the air and..." Harm paused, taking a moment to search Mac's tear-filled eyes. He couldn't explain the feeling didn't understand half of what he saw, but somehow, she knew far more than he.

"And a car accident."

"I don't understand. How could you know those things?"

Rabb stepped even closer to her.

"These things? Are you suggesting these things happened? Mac shook her head. _Technically, no, these things hadn't happened... yet_. "And why is your hair longer? Why don't I remember where I was last night? Why were you surprised when I told you about Brumby? What are you hiding, Mac?"

From lost little boy to prosecutor in two seconds flat.

"You wouldn't believe me."

"Cut the mysterious crap, Colonel. You know more than you are telling and I deserve to know!"

Mac laughed.

"You!? You deserve to know? Always the egocentric flyboy, Commander!"

"It's not egocentrism when I am clearly involved! You, Colonel, are the one who is acting selfishly."

"Selfish?" A feminine, yet steady finger hit the tall man's broad chest. "You, _Commander_, don't know me. Don't presume to think you do."

The screaming match, which had been escalating, came to an abrupt halt. Mac's words were spoken quietly, yet with force and authority. Harm's reply was filled with venom.

"Oh, I know you alright."

No one had ever been able to push her buttons quite like Harmon Rabb. She snapped. Screw them thinking she was insane. Sarah couldn't take it anymore!

"I am not your Sarah Mackenzie! I didn't get married to Brumby! I went to Paraguay on a mission, where Harm crashed yet another plane! I..." She breathed in deeply, ignoring the deeply confused look on the Commander's face. "I was there when Admiral Chegwidden retired and I had to put up with an annoying. Rabb wannabe in training and I retired!" The loud dissipated in whispers. "I was moving to England...."

Painful pause. "I was happy."

Mac blinked the tears away, almost afraid to meet Rabb's searching gaze. She had said too much. He probably didn't even understand half of it all, but it was probably enough to consider her crazy.

_A Marine gone off in the deep end._

"Not... _my_ Mac?"


	17. Could it be?

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N:** This chapter has suffered minor changes.

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**CHAPTER 17: COULD IT BE?**

_"Not my Mac?"_

In his voice, Sarah didn't hear the humor she had expected to hear. No, his words didn't sound incredulous – as they should have after her crazy ranting -, it was simply a question borne of surprise and curiosity. But it was a question she had no answers to, so Mac's gaze remained lowered, as she felt, more than saw him, take another step closer to her.

_Too close_

Deep breath, courage gathered and brown eyes met blue.

"Not _my _Mac?" Piercing gaze that burned her with its intensity. The words were gaining that accusatory edge she had been afraid of. "Explain, Counselor."

She had already gone over the threshold of confessions with her earlier revelation, no turning back now. She sighed, exasperated with herself for not dealing better with the situation.

"You'll think I'm crazy."

"Already do, so don't let that stop you."

"Funny." Mac stepped away, needing some of her personal space back. "You know the flashes you have... someone else's memories as you described them?" A nod. "Well, they are your memories..."

Harm frowned and Mac could see he was ready to protest. She raised a hand to stop him.

"They are things Harmon Rabb Junior lived through, a Harm you will grow to be, but that you aren't yet." _And may never come to be_. Oh, it was getting to be all too complicated. Mac managed to confuse herself, how could Harm understand her?

Sigh.

"I'm sorry, Mac, but... are you suggesting they are – uh, visions of the future?" There it was, the cocky muckiness he could do so well.

"Kind of."

"And you would be this future _Mac_?" Damn that eyebrow of his rising up and that superior smirk. She sighed.

"Yes." Harm chuckled. Well, at least he hadn't laughed outright. The Commander soon grew serious, though.

"Okay... Suppose I believe... this. Then, how are you here?"

Shrug. "I don't know." And she didn't, not really. All she had were guesses and suspicions she had no way of proving. "Harm and I... we were on his car. There was a bright light and we were hit by a truck. I remember, after the accident, being lifted out of the car wreck. When I regained consciousness, I was in the Admiral's Office."

The mention of their Commanding Officer reminded them both that they were not really alone. Realizing his presence was once again being acknowledged; AJ stepped forward and joined the conversation.

"What about your Harm?" Pause. It was strange to hear the Admiral refer to him that way. On the mark too. "The one that was in the car with you?"

"At first, I thought I was losing my mind..." She looked shyly at Harm. "You didn't remember." Mac looked away. "Then, I saw you again and you weren't you... you were him."

Frown.

"I think you shared the same body. Or, you left when he appeared. I'm not really sure. You don't remember being anywhere else, but that doesn't prove anything and…"

"If he replaced me, when he came..." Harm paused, finding it hard to refer to his other self as a completely different person. "What about my Mac?"

The dreaded question. Again.

"I don't know."

_Not good enough._

"You don't know? Where the hell is Mac!?" Mac herself was stuck in between her own emotions. Joy that he seemed to believe her and dread that he would turn against her so quickly.

The Admiral placed himself between the pair, sensing Harm teetering temper. He wasn't sure he believed all this time travel shenanigans. Actually, he was pretty sure he didn't. Still, there was something strange going on and the best defense was a good offence and intel, in that case, could prove to be invaluable. So, it didn't hurt to ask.

"Could she have replaced you... in the future?"

Mac shook her head, sure.

"Why not?" Harm's eyes were slits of suspicion.

"I died." Shocked looks. Harm stepped back, horrified by the mere idea. "Harm – somehow – keeps jumping from one... _world_ to the other, because he is alive in both." Defiantly, Mac raised her chin. "I'm not going anywhere."

"What about her?"

Mac looked away, not bearing to see the terrible hurt shinning so clearly on his expressive blue eyes. The Admiral, doubtful of his own willingness to believe such a crazy tale, couldn't help but reach a much too obvious conclusion neither of his officers seemed to have considered so far.

"You're not different people; you're just at different stages of your life." Two pairs of eyes glanced at him, confused. "Well, if the... younger Mac _disappeared_ and you, Harm, remember glimpses of the _older_ Harm's life..." Shrug." Is it too farfetched – if we choose to believe this insane story – to assume the older and the younger simply merged into one?"

_Huh._

Mac hadn't even considered that. Maybe, just maybe, it could be true.

"Mac... Until this point, did your life differ from this?"

She shook her head, no.

AJ shrugged again, trying to be nonchalant. "Seems the most plausible to me."


	18. Two worlds collide

_**DISCLAIMER**:_ in the first chapter...

**_A/N_**: Long wait? I know, I know... but holidays are a busy time of year, isn't it? But I should be updating more regularly from now on. I'm not sure how many chapters there'll be still, but I can say that now we enter on the second part of the story, which I predict will be shorter than the first. Hope you keep reading. And REIVIEWING!! Ah, and chap 17 has suffered minor alterations.

Happy new Year everybody!

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**CHAPTER 18: TWO WORLDS COLLIDE**

It was dark, and cold, and deathly quiet.

It was lonely, yet crowded and…

_Sigh._

Harmon Rabb was having a hard time falling asleep. Again. It was never anything specific that robbed him of his sleep. It was just an incredible sense of unease that twisted at his insides. Something that called to him for attention, that tried to communicate with him, though always with words he was unable to understand.

It was never anything specific.

Except… This didn't seem like all the other nights. There was the taste of change in the air. It was strange, yet familiar and he was having a hard time putting it into words. The wind seemed to resonate the echoes of words and pleas of times past. Barely audible, lower than a whisper, but ever there.

Until, a single word sounded louder than all others.

_Come…_

And in a second, Harm realized why the feeling was so familiar. He had felt it before, at the hospital, just before he had journeyed to Mac's side. Only this time, it wasn't her calling him. No, it was the sound of his own voice.

_Come home…_

Reality started fading around Harm and he hadn't the strength, nor the desire, to fight against it. He just let himself be swept away, into blurring colors and moving spirals and the falling that never ended.

----------

_AJ shrugged again, trying to be nonchalant. _

"_Seems the most plausible to me."_

And it was, all things considered, a most plausible explanation. However, one would be hard pressed to find any sort of real proof. Really, how can you prove something you scarcely believe in? Yes, Sarah Mackenzie could see it in their eyes. Not complete refusal of her story, but a certain intrinsic disbelief of its likability. And, she couldn't really blame them…

What a story it was!

A bizarre tale, which was, unfortunately, true.

A most sobering thought.

Mac took a step away from Harm, then another, needing the distance between them. She could feel his gaze following her progress, but could not bring herself to actually meet it. It was too much all at once. With a shuddering breath, she sat on the couch and watched her hands nervously twisting.

"Mac?" It was the Admiral's worried voice. "Are you ok?"

Chocked laugh. "I think that is highly debatable, sir."

_Gasp._

Self pity was quickly thrown to the side upon that horrible sound. Mac's eyes flew upwards just in time to see the tall Commander bend in half. She jumped up, surprised and scared and… He crashed to the floor too fast for her to think, much less react. The same happened with the Admiral, only the senior officer also had to face with the dreaded sense of déjà vu.

"Harm!"

Admiral and Colonel were beside their fallen fellow in no time. A beat of the heart, the rushing sound of blood on muffled ears, a deep breath. All too quickly, Harm was sitting up, a hand on his head and eyes closed. Tentatively – as one would with something unknown and unpredictable – Mac touched the arm raised to his head and called his name.

Harm jumped back what seemed like a mile, eyes flying open, in clear disbelief.

"Sarah?"

Mac had a bit of uncertainty shinning in her eyes, but Harm allowed her no time to even think; he swept her up in a tight embrace she soon stopped trying to avoid. It was her Harm!! He was murmuring something or another, but she was also beyond paying attention. Her own arms rose to encircle his broad shoulders. It was hard to imagine he had only been gone a couple of hours.

A long moment passed, before Harm pulled away just enough to gaze at her face.

"Mac, you have o idea how much I've missed you! And I have so much to tell you." His eagerness to share his news dimmed a little when he caught the confused look on her face.

"How much can you have possibly done in less than a day?"

It was Harm's turn to be confused. "A day, Sarah? I've been gone for months!" It only took a quick glimpse at her beautiful, yet tired face for Harm to realize that time hadn't gone the same way for them both. A part of him was glad she didn't have to suffer long. "Oh, Sarah. I did miss you so much."

For a long moment the couple remained half sitting on the floor, arms still clutching the other and eyes locked. It would be a very romantic scene to witness… If you were in the movies. This, however, was real life and the Admiral was not amused.

"Need I repeat my earlier words? I want explanations!"

Captain Harmon Rabb looked up, saw the Admiral and though, technically speaking, he wasn't his superior officer anymore, jumped up to attention. When he realized his own reaction, he relaxed a bit and offered a hand to help Mac get up as well.

"Admiral, I'm not sure how I can possibly explain…"

"It's okay, Harm. AJ is somewhat familiar with our situation."

The Admiral crossed his arms and stood with his legs apart, in an authorative posture that was very familiar to any officer or enlisted men who ever served under the former SEAL. "You're actually saying, Mac, that this is… _older_ Harm?" There was a hesitation in defining it, which could only be considered normal under these circumstances.

"Ah, yes, Admiral." Harm realized he had missed part of the conversation. "_Older_…"


	19. Bud explains it

**DISCLAIMER**: in the first chapter...

**A/N:** Hey, I'm back! Thank you to all who reviewed! Hope everyone had a good time during the holidays. Here is a chapter filled with possible explanations to this situations our duo got themselves in - all based on actual research on my part. Please continue reviewing and if you find mistakes or things that you don't think were made clear enough, let me know!

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**CHAPTER 19: BUD EXPLAINS IT**

It had been a week since Harm's return.

A week since the Admiral had agreed to simply let things be, because no real explanations had been forth coming. Six days since Harm had moved in with Sarah. Three days since he had bought another engagement ring for his beloved fiancé; a ring she now wore around her neck. A day since the happiness of their reunion suffered its first blow.

Boredom.

Because, no matter how contented they were, Harm and Mac had already lived through this life. They had already worked these cases, and the ones which would come next. They had already lived through the surprises and the sadness. Yes, life had returned to normal, but they didn't want normal anymore. Harm and Mac had already learned their lesson.

Change was inevitable.

Yet, here they were. Back at the beginning. Before Harm's dive in the ocean and Mic's depart. Before deaths that they weren't sure they could prevent. Before Paraguay, which they were scared to repeat and dreadful of the possibility that they might have to. Before Webb and Mac's endometriosis. Before…

_Knock._

Colonel Sarah Mackenzie glanced up. Leaning casually on the door frame of her office, was Commander Harmon Rabb. A smile came unbidden to her lips and she welcomed him in. Casually, as not to draw too much attention, Harm closed the door behind him, giving them a modicum of privacy.

"Hey Marine. Everything's okay?"

"Yes, Harm. I've already dealt with this case."

"Did you win?"

"Unfortunately, no. And I can't see much I could do different this time around." Harm saw the lack of enthusiasm in her eyes; a feeling he could certainly understand. Reliving the past – and that was basically what they were doing – was a daunting task filled with self-conscious moments and second guessing of your actions. And boredom.

No need to speak the words of understanding, though. She could see it in his eyes. Harm sat in the chair facing her paper filled desk and leaned forward. "Questions."

Sarah grinned. "Shoot, Sailor."

"One. Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

Mac laughed. "Harm, don't we do that every night?"

"A proper date, Mac. We haven't had enough of those." His apparent indignation was for show and the way his blue eyes sparkled told that clearly.

"I would love to, Harm. What's the other question?"

Now, his discomfort was real. Harm shifted a bit on his seat and glanced away from Mac's inquisitive eyes. "Mac, have you…" Suddenly he stopped fidgeting, straightened in his chair and met her eyes. "Do you remember the name of that embassy you were caught in after Brumby left?"

She frowned, confused by his question. "Of course, it was in…" But it was only when she actually stopped to think about that Mac realized that she didn't remember. And the more she tried to grasp the details of that particular experience, the more the memories eluded her. "I can't remember."

"Neither can I." He leaned forward again, his arms on his thighs. "And that's not the only thing I can't remember. Little things I suddenly realize I can't recall and the more I try, the more I forget." His head shook a bit. "Can't really explain the sensation."

"I know, I… I understand." Mac bit her lip and played with her bare fingers. "What do you suppose that means?" Harm's only answer was a shrug.

Their discovery was interrupted by a knock on the door. Lieutenant Bud Roberts stuck his head in and, apologizing to the colonel, asked to speak with the commander. Harm threw a meaningful glance over his shoulder and left.

They would continue their talk later.

****

Bud Roberts was gathering the paperwork he had scattered earlier on top of Commander Rabb's desk. The case he had been told to handle was a tricky one and Bud felt a little more secure after discussing a couple of things with his mentor. With a polite nod and a word of thanks, he was almost to the door, when the Commander's voice halted his progress.

"Hey, Bud?"

"Yes, sir?" Bud was amused at the evident sign of discomfort from the Commander. Sure, he hadn't been acting right since that whole mess in the Admiral's office. Too many rumors had tried to explain that day, but few came close to actually explaining it all. Still, he looked to be fine.

"Do you have some time to sit and discuss something non-work related with me, Bud?"

"Sure." Bud returned to his previous seat and placed his files on his lap, an earnest look on his young face.

"You like science fiction, right?" A nod in the affirmative; it was a known fact. "What do you know of time travel?"Hesitation. "Theoretically speaking, of course."

"Of course." Even Bud wasn't clueless enough to notice that there something fish about that question. "Well, there are many works of fiction that explore the possibility of time travel. Scientifically speaking, it's possible to explain time travel if you consider space and time as a series of curves and loops that meet sporadically – time being another dimension. That is, of course, if you believe in the curves, something that has yet to be proven. In sciene fiction, there is always certain rules to time travel."

"Like?"

"Like, you can't get involved in your own timeline."

"Huhn… So traveling in time to, say, a few years into your own…_ timeline_… would be a tricky matter."

"Oh, yes! Anything that you change could end up affecting the future, a future you are a part of. If you end up changing the reason you came to the past, then that would create a paradox, which is a whole different matter. Very bad, but different all the same. There is a theory called the Grandfather Paradox in which…"

"That's all very elaborate for science fiction, Bud." Harm had a hard time keeping his schedule in order, so he had to wonder how Bud managed to retain so much information that is based in… nothing.

Nothing concrete, at least.

"No really, sir. Besides, most of these theories have their bases on actual science or postulations. Like…" Harm held a hand up, halting any further explanation."

"Bud, if I told you that I somehow came back into the past – without knowing how -, occupying the place of my younger self and there appeared to have caused no paradox?" Harm was immensely grateful that Bud stopped to consider his question without snickering or thinking him crazy.

"I would think that maybe you didn't travel in time, sir." Bud continued upon the Commander's frown. "I would think it would be more of a question of parallel universes."

"Okay. Pretend I know nothing of that." Which he didn't; no TV did that to you.

"Parallel universes would be a self contained and separate reality co-existing with our own. The most common explanation in science fiction for parallel universes is that for every event that could have gone some other way, there is another universe where this event actually happened in a different way." Confusion. "Okay, it's like this. You crossed the street. Before, you did that, you looked right and saw the car coming. Well, there would be another universe where you looked left and didn't see the car coming."

"Okay, I understood that. But, even if I consider that I somehow "changed" realities…" And here Harm used actual air quotes. "What about the time difference?"

"Well, it is postulated that the time flow in these many universes could be different. You leave in the year 200 and find yourself in the year 1990."

"Haha, there sure seems to be an answer to everything, doesn't it." Harm rubbed his face with both hands, then returned his gaze to his good friend. "So, it'll all science fiction. What can actually be proven as really true?" He didn't seem to be expecting much, Bud noted.

"That is the most interesting part, sir. Many of these are based on theories of actual scientists, on quantum physics and many pieces of logic we can actually prove. According to some Oxford Scientists, parallel universes really do exist and make quantum sense. Like… like that show Quantum Leap. You remember me telling you about it, don't you, sir?"

"Yeah, I remember. He ended up inside the body of someone else every time he…_ leaped._ The question still remains, though. How?"

"That, sir, I don't know. There could be many explanations depending of your specific situation." Bud studied Harm's contemplative face and couldn't bring himself to leave it at theat. "Sir, if I may be so bold. Why are you asking these questions?"

"Oh, nothing really. I just got this idea I my head. I would have searched the internet, but I'm not very good at it."

Bud laughed at the veracity of the sentence. He wasn't, however, fooled into believing that was all there was to it. Bud chose to leave his questions to a later time, seeing as he had much to do still.

"Anything else, sir?"

"No, no. Thank you, Bud. I hope I haven't kept you too long."

"No problem, sir. I hope you got at least some of the answers you are looking for."

_Huh, I wonder__ if any of that could possibly be true…_


	20. Mind and heart

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N: **Here is a bit more explaning and without a cliffy too! I am not completely satisfied with this chapter, but it is necessary to lay some explanations down before I dive into the more action filled chaps I am planning. Thank you all who reviewed and apologies for the delay in posting. I hope you keep reading and enjoying my tale. Don't be afraid to tell me if I run off course.

This is dedicated to **gypsyrose06**!

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**CHAPTER ****20: The mind may not know, but the heart always understands**

The door shook a bit on its hinges, the sound of muffled laughing following soon after.

"Harm! Open the door…"

"I'm trying… I'm…" Then silence, cut by the occasional sound of something thumping against the door. After much shuffling and failed attempts, the door swung open. The couple pressed against its wooden surface and otherwise preoccupied, almost fell to the floor, when their support was suddenly lost. More laughing issued. "Sarah, Sarah, we have to close the door."

"Hum huh." Though sound, the suggestion went on being ignored for a few moments more. Harmon Rabb couldn't quite concentrate with his fiancé's warm breath on his neck and her hands clutching him so near. Through uncoordinated kicking and hazy fumbling, the door was finally closed, once again serving as support for Sarah Mackenzie's back.

"Wait, wait… Mac, you said something about…" Since the tall aviator had a hard time understanding that words were so not necessary at that particular moment, Mac took issues into her own hands and pulled his lips flush on hers. No reasonable thinking could withstand a chance against the feeling of warm tongues fighting for control.

Soon, all thinking was left aside; they had better things to do.

-----

There is a certain feeling of being aware and yet not completely awake. You can hear and feel, but the ability to move – much less open your eyes – seems out of your reach. Your body is heavy, your mind fuzzy and that entails a strangely peaceful sensation. Harmon Rabb was in that state and while he enjoyed the moment, his mind couldn't help but traveling to a few hours prior, when he and Sarah had been discussing their current situation.

Methodically, the pair had gone over their years together, trying to remember as many details as they possibly could. It hadn't taken them long to realize a simple fact. The past, things which had already happened in this new world they had found themselves in, they could recall to perfection. The future, the years lost between their old life and their new one, was filled with holes and lapses of memory. The more deeply they dove into recollection, the more lapses appeared.

That had been frustrating!

"I can't…" Mac had a frustrated look upon her face. "I can't believe these memories are just… slipping away!" She sighed. Lovingly, Harm reached across the table to grasp her hand. With his thumb, he gently rubbed circles on the back of her delicate hand, calming her down.

"Maybe… Well, Bud said something about paradoxes and maybe us not being able to remember is the universe's way to keep things… right. If we know the details of what is to come, we may change things, prevent others that were just meant to happen." The look of disbelief she offered as a reply to his theory would have made many back away; Harm just chuckled. "I know, I know… Can hardly believe myself. But, Sarah." He leaned forward. "Isn't us being here, right now, proof that something's are just beyond what we had always considered reality?"

"Are we really here, Harm? Maybe I am in a coma somewhere, dreaming about us, because just the thought of loosing you proved to be too much for my mind to grasp. Maybe you are the one who is dreaming!"

"Perhaps." He squeezed her hand. "Perhaps none of this is real, but Sarah, doesn't it feel real?"

"Yes."

"Then, in my opinion, that's all that matters, don't you agree?"

"I guess." Mac looked away from his intense gaze and allowed her eyes to sweep the room. "Ok. So, explain to me this paradox thing."

"Well, he only mentioned it in passing, but I took the liberty of doing a little research in the matter." Mac was barely holding her laugh in. "Yes, I used – successfully, I might add – to research in the internet."

"Who did you get to help you?" His smug expression quickly fell at her question.

"Okay, I got one of the yeoman's to help me." Her satisfied smiled was worth admitting being inadequate. Harm loved t see her lips stretching into such a beautiful sight. A long moment was spent in silent and comfortable contemplation of each other's eyes. Mac was the one to break it, by reiterating request. "Ah! Paradoxes. Well, in time travel literature, a paradox is when an action taken by a traveler changes the future in a manner that would also alter the reason this person traveled to the past in the first place."

"I've heard of it. The Grandfather Paradox, right? You interfere with your father's conception which in turn makes you being born an improbability. But, Harm, are we time travelers? We certainly don't fit the bill."

"Well, maybe not in the sense most commonly used in science fiction. But, while reading on paradoxes, I came across a hypostasis called Timeline Protection, which states that a time traveler would never be capable of causing a paradox." The furrowing of the brow sent Mac's message quite clearly across; she was confused. "It states that the natural continuity of time and nature would adapt itself in a manner which would prevent the paradox from being formed. There's a site I visited that even mentioned that memories of history could be affected."

"If you can't remember, you can't consciously act to change it."

"Exactly."

"That's all nice and well, Harm, and I may not remember a lot of things anymore, but one thing I am sure about." Pause, Mac leaned forward and brought her face closer to his. "We already changed the past, just by being together." She sighed and pulled her hand away. With her elbows upon the corner of the table, Mac hid her face behind her hands, taking a moment to gather her thoughts.

"Maybe we were supposed to change it. If not, why would we be here, at this time, before things really started to fall apart between us?"

Mac hadn't an answer to that. And, truthfully, neither had Harm. It was easy to spin theories and allow science fiction to provide some understanding to their strange situation, or to discuss a theme they had no real knowledge of, because, in the end, they were left with only one certainty. They were there, living this new, yet old, life and that fact didn't seem likely to be changed any time soon.

"Just, don't withdraw from me, Sarah." She met his beautiful blue eyes, his honest gaze and his pleading face; she couldn't – and frankly didn't want to – keep turning away. She loved him so completely, she was still learning what that feeling meant and if she could have him… well, how could possibly be wrong about that?

Mac offered him a tentative smile. "Let'1s go home, Harm."

He was more than happy to comply.

----------

'Uhm, Harm?"

Groaning, Harm squeezed Mac's warm body against his own and buried his face in the nook of her neck. "Yes?" He had still to open his eyes.

"It's a little past dawn…"

"And?"

"We have to wake up soon."

"Yes, soon, just not right now." With their legs entwined , their arms around each other and their heads so close together, Harm felt completely at peace and moving was not on his immediate plans.

"I just..." At this, Mac brought her lips closer to Harm's ear and softly whispered. "… thought we could spent these last moments in the shower." Shivers ran across his skin and Harm unconsciously squeezed her even closer.

"I can be persuaded to partake in this shower."

"How?" It was his turn to whisper in her ear and, whatever it is he chose to say, Mac's reaction was just what he had in mind. She blushed furiously, and then chuckled. "You drive a hard bargain, councilor."

"Well, good things in life don't come easily."

Mac laughed whole-heartedly. "What conceit!" Anything more she might have been inclined to say was lost when Harm suddenly got up, her body still pressed against his taller frame and carried her off to the adjoining bathroom.

Happiness is most clear in the small moments that come after and before the storm.


	21. And Action!

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N:** So... I went through a bit of writer's block where this story was concerned, but it suddenly came to me while at work and I decided to pick it back up. I will try my hardest to keep a somewhat regular schedule of updates as I do in my other stories. Hope you guys haven't given up on me yet. REVIEW!

This is to all of those who didn't loose faith that I might update one day.

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**CHAPTER ****21: AND... ACTION!**

Harm was tall; no one could argue that fact. But Harm had also a very imposing figure. That, coupled with his height and natural charms, demanded attention upon himself at all times. That, however, was not the reason Harmon Rabb was drawing so much attention at that particular moment, as he methodically walked from one side of the courtroom to the other. The enthrallment of the jury was mostly due to the passionate speech about men that choose to disregard authority for a greater good he was in the middle of.

It was then, that the thought suddenly crossed his mind.

Harm paused midstep, the last of his words dying upon his lips.

Why hadn't they thought of it before? It had already been two months since their arrival – so to speak - in the past. Or had they thought of it before? Due to the increasing blanks in the memories of the future, it became hard for him to really remember and he soon gave up trying. It didn't really matter.

"Commander?"

The important thing was that he remembered it now and Harm was bound determined to do something about it.

"Commander Rabb!"

He finally came out of his contemplations and glanced up, right at Captain Morrison disapproving glare. The good judge always followed his moves suspiciously when in the courtroom; he never quite overcame that shooting the courtroom ceiling incident.

"I apologize, your Honor."

"Have you finished your closing arguments, councilor?"

"Yes, sir." And, with that, he turned back to the jury, offered them one last piercing gaze and solemnly returned to his seat, wishing desperately for the gavel to hit wood.

When the jury left to deliberate, Harm got up, paused only long enough to offer his client a few reassuring words and made his way, as fast as his long legs could without breaking into a run, to the bullpen. His eyes scanned the crowd of blue and green uniforms eagerly and, there! Mac had just disappeared into the break room. Briefcase was quickly left, read tossed, in his office and off he went after his beloved.

Once inside, his eyes met her inquisitive ones. "Are you alright, flyboy?"

"I'm wonderful, Mac! Because it's four percent. I mean, it has to be more than four percent now!"

Her uncomprehending eyes remained fixed on his, but now a touch of worry lingered amid her brown orbs. "Are you sure you're okay, Harm?"

He was smiling too widely, his veins filled with too much adrenaline and excitement, to really be able to form proper sentences. So, instead, he stepped forward and caught her in his arms. "Sarah, we gained almost three years and maybe if we catch it earlier, our chances increase! We can finally go halves on a b..."

Realization dawned and Mac couldn't help the twinge of hope that surged through her body.

_A baby._

Hope and happiness were overshadowed by panic and Mac quickly covered her stickboy's blabbering mouth before he could say the word out loud.

"Harm, maybe we should discuss this later."

Confusion, on his part, lasted only a millisecond. Blue eyes glanced sideways and caught their commanding officer's semi-amused, definitely disapproving face. He slowly released his hold on Mac and took a step backwards, back ramrod straight. He tried his best not to look like he had been caught in an uncompromising position.

"Sir."

"Commander." Formal nods were exchanged and Admiral Chegwidden made his way to the exit, coffee mug firmly in one hand. "I don't want to know as long as you keep it out of the office."

A chorus of 'yes, sir!' was immediately heard.

--------

Being Commanding Officer might have had it's perks, but Admiral Chegwidden considered that it brought more headaches than anything else. Oh, and never ending paperwork, of course. He was occupied with said paperwork, when there was a soft knock on the wooden door.

"Come in!"

"Sir, we have received a letter I think you should see."

"Letter, Tiner?" Correspondence was brought every morning and afternoon after being properly scanned and sorted by his yeoman first. For Tiner to interrupt him, it must have been important. His young face, seemingly preoccupied, certainly seemed to indicate that. "Bring it to me."

"Yes, sir."

A chill went down his spine when he read the first lines of the page long letter. Before he could bring himself to finish reading it, AJ glanced up and met his yeoman's eyes. "Tiner, who was the letter addressed to?"

"To the JAG headquarters, sir."

"And the return address?"

"An empty parking lot, sir. I've already checked."

"Okay." AJ grabbed the telephone handset and put it between his ear and his shoulder. "I don't want anyone else to hear about this, am I clear?"

Tiner came instantly to attention. "Yes, sir!"

"Very well. You may be excused"

AJ heard the door click shut behind Tiner, but he didn't bother to look. He was too busy dialing the phone.

"Heaven help us." his office seemed to answer his plea with unnerving silence that was broken by the voice at the other end of the line. "I need your help and don't even think of saying no."

Heaven help them indeed.

--------

"Bud, you busy?"

Bud Roberts, who had just returned from court and was opening the door to his office, turned around to face his wife, blonde Lieutenant Harriet Sims. He smiled, finished entering his office and held the door open for Harriet.

"No, not right now. Come in, Harriet." He placed his briefcase on top of the neat desk and waited for her to close the door. "What do you need?"

"Have you seen Clayton Webb entering the Admiral's office the day before yesterday?" He shook his head in the negative. "Well, he went in there with that superior look of his and spent the whole afternoon!"

"Harriet, is that what you wanted to talk to me about. Webb?" Bud seemed amused by his wife gossipy tendency, but remained unworried. Seeing Webb at JAG wasn't all that uncommon.

"Yes! Something's going on, Bud. The Commander and the Colonel both took the day off today and Webb showed up today again and is in with the Admiral who ordered they should not be disturbed under any circumstances. Something fishy is going on."

Bud's amusement wavered. Could Harried be seeing dragons instead of windmills or was there something to her suspicion, he found himself wondering. "What do you think it is?"

"I don't know. But my instinct tells me it has to do with the Colonel and the Commander. They have been acting strangely lately, too." Harriet's eyes were staring off into space, as if seeing something in her own mind

"Yes, they have. Ever since that incident at the Admiral's office. Where do you think all that blood came from?" There had been so much of it and the Admiral had been performing CPR when Tiner had answered his call for help, which must have meant the Commander hadn't been able to breathe, even if for just a moment.

"I don't know and I didn't want to pry, but all of a sudden, the Colonel broke her engagement with Mic and changed her hair and the Commander's been having these strange episodes..." Bud nodded in agreement.

"Yes, it's very strange. Some weeks ago he was asking all these questions about science fiction and time travel and I never quite understood why. And he was delivering his closing arguments the other day and the Commander just paused and stared into space. Captain Morrison had to call him several times before he answered." Harriet's look of suspicion turned to one of worry.

"You don't suppose the Commander is sick, do you?"

A matching look of worry descended upon Bud's round features. "I hope not."

Webb was momentarily forgotten.

--------

"Sarah, how can you be so calm?"

She wasn't. Sarah Mackenzie might have looked the part, with her legs neatly folded to the side, her hands resting on her lap and her eyes staring unpreocupied at the poster hanging by the wall in front of where their seats were, but she was beyond being a nervous wreck. Mac wasn't calm or composed, she was defeated. All the excitement Harm's words had brought to the surface that day in the break room had been forced down; she refused to allow herself to hope. Disappointment was so much worse when you dared hope.

"Harm, please. Stop fidgeting. We are going to talk to the doctor, then go through the necessary exams and then we are going to here what she has to say about it. Before then, I am not going to even think about it."

No more words were needed. Harm could still remember that Christmas Eve, when her car had hit the tree - receiving that vague and horrible telephone call was on his list of worse things that could have happened in his life. It was in the last hours of the night before Christmas, while he sat by her side, that Mac had finally opened up about the endometriosis and told him about the doubts and insecurities she had chosen to keep to herself the night of Admiral Chegwidden's farewell party. So, he understood her reluctance to hope.

Knowing words of reassurance would sound empty, Harm pushed all his own nervousness aside, leaned back on his seat and pulled her to rest against him. "Okay, Mac. We'll wait. In the meantime, you just remember that I am here... Always."

Mac offered him a watery smile and allowed her head to rest on his shoulder. She drew more comfort and strength through that hug than anything else he might have offered. Sometimes, it was nice to be reassured physically that he was real and absolutely hers.

"Sarah Mackenzie" The nurse was thin and older looking and had a kind face as she scanned the small crowd in the waiting room of Bethesda Hospital for the face to go with the name she had just read off the chart.

Harm and Mac, both without uniforms, rose together, hands entwined, and followed the nurse.


	22. Not quite over yet

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N:** More! Who is this mysterious guy who is threatening our favorite pair? What does he want? I love suspence... ;D Hope you keep reviewing - let me know what you think! (even if it sucks) and thank you to all who haven't given up on my yet.

This is to you all!

**

* * *

****CHAPTER 22: Not quite over yet**

"You know, Admiral, I am the spook here. Yet I feel I'm the one being left out of the loop."

Webb stood facing Admiral Chegwidden's large oak desk, hands on his pockets and suit perfectly pressed. He bore that air of constant paranoia AJ hated, at the same time that he managed to look perfectly calm and composed.

"What is it, about this whole mess you dragged me into, that failed to mention." AJ remained silent again. With his body leaned backwards and his elbows supported by the armrests, the former Navy Seal should have looked as nonchalant as the CIA operative. But that letter had unsettled him to greatly, for him to manage such a farce. Blue eyes followed the progress of Webb's slow turn around the room. "I wonder why you seem so cure that the letter referred to Harm and Mac..."

Clayton Webb believed that everyone had something to hide and it was his job as a CIA operative to unmask these secrets, use them to his favor and bury them again so deep that no one else would be able to uncover them. Some might have named this particular trait as paranoia. Webb named it good sense.

"AJ, I can't help you if you don't tell me what I need to know." Webb resumed his position in front of the large and semi-cluttered desk.

The older man, for his part, might have felt inclined to savor the smallest bit of satisfaction for the role-reversal; Webb was usually the one who worked on a need to know basis with others. But, from where he stood, AJ found little in all this mess amusing. He sighed.

"You heard, I'm sure, interesting rumors about Harm and Mac and a certain strange incident in my office a few weeks ago..." Weeb nodded; of course he knew. The Colonel and the Commander held a special interest for the spook. "What do you think happened?"

"I have no idea."

"You don't have a theory? A wild guess?"

Webb might have grown frustrated with this game, had AJ looked the slightest bit pleased. He didn't. It didn't take the three-piece-suit-clad man to notice that the Commanding Officer simply lacked the words to describe that day. So Weeb did what he had been trained to do... He dissected the details.

"Harm had blood all over his shirt. Why?"

"He had been standing at attention, while I chewed his six for behavior unbecoming of an officer. Then I noticed a red dot on his shirt. The dot grew, soaked up the front of his shirt and all the while, Harm remained at attention. Then he fell like limber to the floor."

"Mac was acting strange." Webb's face stayed impassive.

"She was also standing at attention when I saw blood on her left temple. She fainted. When Mac finally came to, she was acting really strangely, especially with Rabb."

"You do know they are together, right?"

"I know." Webb saw AJ sigh as if that piece of information, though already known, brought a whole new batch of problems to their table.

"What did they say about what happened that day?"

"They believed they time-travelled."

Coming from anyone else, Clay might have laughed. Not that science completely discarded the possibly and some projects were being, at that particular time, funded by the government, but two people... travelling through time and space... just like that?

"Did you believe them?"

"The jury's still out on that."

"Why not show them the letter?"

"No."

That one word in such firm tone, affirmed clearly what AJ's thought was on the matter. This, however, was Webb he was talking to. Barking orders never worked with him. "Why not?"

"Because..." How could he tall the other man that he was scared of what they might do? Or that he had a really bad feeling about it? That sounded as incongruous as time travelling.

"I think they have more information about all this than we do. They might understand more from that bloody letter than we can."

It sounded very rational and the Admiral found no arguments to counter that one. In truth, he had thought the same and had been just too reticent to admit it. Both man, one sitting and the other standing, remained unmoving as they stared at each other.

--------

Harm and Mac entered the bullpen together and were immediately told by a very serious looking Tiner that the Admiral wanted to see them ASAP. Caught off guard, the pair exchanged inquiring looks. When they tried heading to their respective offices to drop their briefcases before heading to see their CO, Tiner intervened. He offered to deliver the briefcases himself and gave them no time to protest.

_The Admiral really wanted to see them ASAP._

"Harm... Do you know what...?"

"I have no idea." He shook his head. One knock on the steady door with _PRIVATE_ written upon it and they were quickly allowed entry. "Admiral, you wanted to se...?"

His question was soon forgotten when Harm saw Clayton Webb standing beside his Commanding Officer's large desk. Now, under normal circumstances, Harm's first reaction to Webb's presence at JAG headquarters was suspicion. Considering Paraguay and its aftermath, which he could remember more than enough of, Harm took the sight before him with more than a little hostility. He said nothing, though; eyes could say enough without words.

Mac saw all this and tried not to be amused. She kept her attention focused entirely on the Admiral. "Sir."

"Take a seat, Colonel." He turned to face Harm, quite aware of his attitude. "Commander." They both obeyed promptly. Without a word of explanation, AJ slid a piece of paper their way. Sparing a glance at Mac, Harm leaned forward to catch it.

One cursory look and he paled.

"Harm? What is it?" He handed her the letter.

_I am sending this warning, not because I believe you are worthy of a chance, but because it is part of the rules. Long have I waited for this exact moment to come and it is with great satisfaction that I will watch you crumble. The blood on your shirt was only the beginning. I will see you destroyed before you can ever have a chance to enjoy the kind of happiness you have denied me._

"Sir?" Mac glanced up, shocked. "When… who sent this?"

"I have no idea. It came anonymously and it wasn't addressed to anyone in particular; the letter just said JAG HQ." He looked from Mac's worried face to Harm's pale semblance. "Was I right in assuming this came for you Commander?"

"Blood on my shirt… Who else, sir?"

"Do you know who could have sent it?" Harm was shaking his head before Webb could even finish the question. "We think the incident here on the Admiral's office triggered this guy off. Maybe he even found a way to provoke it."

"I don't think so, Clay."

"Why are you here, Webb?" Harm's hostility was more than evident.

"AJ called me. It is obvious you are in danger, Harm. Maybe Mac too." He faced the naval commander with defiance. "So, who could it be?"

"Could be a number of people we don't even know about, Clay." The persistent use of his first name drew Webb's attention to Sarah Mackenzie.

"What did you do to your hair? It looks different."

"She grew it after Paraguay."

The Admiral and the CIA operative looked confused at Harm's reply. It sounded like a perfectly simple explanation, except it made no sense. "Paraguay?"

"Harm…" Mac used that warning tone she had perfected over the years. It didn't always work, though.

The tall naval officer jumped to his feet. "No, Sarah. They are implying the… _incident_ was caused by the same guy who is threatening us."

"How can you know it's not?" She sounded far too calm. His nervous energy didn't allow him to settle down, though.

"Sure, just like it could be the Hawk, or Sadik, or…"

"That's a low blow, Harm."

He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Could any of you two explain this to me or do I have to make this an order?"

Mac and Harm turned to face the Admiral, almost looking chastised.

-----

Undisclosed location

Time undetermined

He had been waiting.

For years now he had done nothing more than watch... and wait. From afar, he kept tabs on every move and adventure, every case handled and development. But the timing had never been quite right and the situation never really what he needed it to be for things to happen the way he planned. Everything needed to be just right.

He was a patient man, though. A very patient man.

And his patience had finally paid off. The moment he had caught sight of Commander Harmon Rabb Junior with blood all over his uniform shirt, something within him had stirred. When, Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie appeared, he waited with baited breath, almost too pessimistic to believe things would finally fall into place; they had been close before. But they had hugged; hugged close like lovers, not friends, then gazed into each other's eyes like he had never seen them do before.

He remembered smiling like an idiot.

_Perfect._

The long wait had come to an end and his plan could finally be put into action. With strong hands filled with scars and calluses, the man opened the large oak trunk filled to the brim with newspaper clippings, photographs and scattered sheets and started to empty it on the floor. Among the many papers, a piece of bloodied cloth appeared. It was encased within a plastic evidence bag and looked worn.

So close, now. So close.


	23. Vengeance and cold plates

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N:** So, delay... What can I say in my defence? Harm insists I tell you about how difficult it was to write this chapter - to gain sympathy points - and that I was busy with my Wicked fic and my Gone with the Wind ficathon entry and life in general. But the point is... I'm sorry and I hope you enjoy this and don't kill me at the end. More is coming!!!

Keep reviewing, cause you are all amazing and keep me going.

**

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Chapter 23: Vengeance and cold plates

Outside JAG HQ

0800 ZULU

Murky brown eyes stared at the well kept building with the same intensity a man lost in the desert would gaze upon a glass of water; with happiness and relief. So long had he waited, patience sometimes weaker than his desire to act, to destroy the one who had destroyed him. So much had been sacrificed in anticipation to this moment.

There had been days, when desperation had almost overtaken his resolve, when he had come close to believing he would be waiting forever. Days, when standing near his target day in and day out had almost caused him to act, throwing his carefully laid plans to the wind. He had persevered, though and the time had finally come.

And he was ready. More than ready.

Nothing was going to stand in his way.

-----------

Admiral's office

JAG HQ

0900 ZULU

AJ Chegwidden had learned to be patient. One just had to exercise control when on top secret missions and when dealing with younger officers. Harmon Rabb and Sarah Mackenzie, however, seemed to enjoy testing his ability not to lose his cool. The Navy admiral leaned back on his leather chair and allowed his hard features to soften; maybe authority was not the best way to handle this situation.

"Harm, Mac... Webb and I are here to help you. But for that, we need to know who could possibly have a grudge against you." He paused. "That includes the future."

Webb didn't understand; that was clear by the slight furrowing of his brow, but the pair of officers sitting side by side caught the message right away. Then, something seemed to click and the operative's brow twisted up in many wrinkles.

"Time traveling, AJ said, though he didn't seem one hundred percent convinced." Webb stepped forward and leaned against the corner of the Admiral's desk, putting the man in question at his back and focusing all his attention on the pair of officers he almost considered friends. "Convince me."

Harm and Mac traded a glance, _how to say without sounding completely bonkers? _Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of suspense waiting, Harm offered his fiancé a grin and settled back on his chair. Mac worried he might enjoy this too much, but refused to stop him, wondering, with a bit of malicious glee, what he might say.

"Well, I could give you a quick run through of the events which will unfold in the next three years or so, but I won't. First, because Mac and I discovered that details of it are slowly, but surely slipping our minds with each passing day and secondly, because too much happened and it would take forever to tell it all." Harm grinned again and folded his arms in front of his chest.

"That was hardily convincing at all."

"What would it take to convince you?" Shrug. "I could tell you a lot, but none of it could be proven." The two men were acting like two bulls circling each other and Mac couldn't help but find it amusing, especially considering her knowledge on the subject.

"Tell me something that will happen and convince me."

"Ok. Should I tell you how I saved your six in Paraguay - and how I should have just left you there to die or do you want to hear about my brief stint with the Company?" Webb looked doubtful.

"You? In the CIA?"

Harm smiled. "You even welcomed me into the brotherhood, lying as you were on your hospital bed."

"Okay, Harm, you've peaked my interest. Tell me about Paraguay." Mac rolled her eyes at the little confrontation going on and spared a glance in the Admiral's direction; he looked amused, too.

Harm shrugged again, uncrossing his arms. He was suddenly serious. It had been easy to be angry at Webb for the twist his life had taken after Paraguay. But time had a way of making you see no one is really innocent in a situation and he had his blame too. Besides, this wasn't the same Webb. How fair would it be to blame him for mistakes he hadn't yet committed?

"It's not important, Clay. Forget it." Another shrug. "It won't be happening again, anyway."

"Why not?"

"A series of events caused Paraguay and none of them are going to happen anymore."

It wasn't the words that somehow brought Clayton Webb closer to believing Harm and Mac had actually time traveled, it was the tone. It was the way his face had turned so serious and somber and the way he spoke so certainly that Paraguay would be no more. It was the dark shadow he had seen in the eyes of burnt out operatives. Something horrible had happened there and Harm had lived through it.

Webb nodded and got up, pushing the subject aside. "Who do you think could have a grudge on you? And let's include, like the Admiral has suggested, everyone from the future too. If you could come back in time, so could someone else."

It was a scary thought, but not quite as impossible as they would have liked to believe.

-----------

JAG bullpen

0910 ZULU

"Bud, where are you going?"

"Harriet?"

The blonde lieutenant had watched with growing trepidation as the Colonel and the Commander entered the same office Clayton Webb had been occupying since early morning. Her worry, which had been growing exponentially ever since that strange afternoon Commander Rabb had exited the Admiral's office with his shirt completely covered in blood, had only been aggravated by the CIA operative appearance. More than wanting to know what was really going on, she desperately wished to know all was well.

A feeling in the pit of her stomach denied her rest, though.

"Bud, Webb is in the Admiral's office with Harm and Mac. Something bad is going to happen... I just know it!"

"Harriet, calm down." Lieutenant Bud Roberts shifted the briefcase from one hand to the other. "This is not the first time they work together."

"Bud, I..."

"Harriet, I know you worry about them, but we are talking about two highly trained officers that could and have survived all sorts of dangerous situations." He stroked her arm and then turned towards the exit. "Now, I have court. We'll talk later. Ok?"

Bud waited for his wife to agree before walking out of the still calm bullpen and towards the court rooms. His mind was too filled with his case and his client's problem to share in Harriet's worry.

-------

Main entrance

JAG HQ

0915 ZULU

It was too easy.

With all the paranoia the last years brought to the armed forces of United States of America, he had expected it to be harder. Planning had certainly helped, but to a man in uniform, crossing that door and entering JAG headquarters had been done without much effort and he couldn't help but allowing himself a small smile of victory at that.

It had been worth it.

The military training, the hard assignments and the years pretending to be a good little puppet to the United States Naval Forces had paid off. The wait, the pain and the forced submission had been worth it, because he was now a good little pawn infiltrated in enemy territory, with the king and queen standing before him completely unaware of the masterful play he was about to deliver.

Plants, equipments, backups and everything a soldier could possibly dream was put into place slowly and without hurry; he had everything he could possibly need within reach.

He saluted a senior officer and continued on his way, mentally checking items off his to do list and going over every little detail in his mind. Everything had to be perfect.

-------

Outside Admiral Chegwidden's office

JAG HQ

0917 ZULU

Yeoman Jason Tiner glanced for the thousandth time towards the closed door of his Commanding Officer, wondering what was being said behind it. Having worked closely with the Admiral for years now, Tiner had managed to put most of his anxiety and curiosity under control. That letter, however, had raised the hairs at the back of his neck. What could its writer have planned? Or was it an empty threat like so many they received daily and he had blown it out of proportion?

He sighed and forced himself to look to his own desk.

No use worrying about it, it was out of his hands.

--------

JAG bullpen

0920 ZULU

His was just one more uniform amongst many.

The bullpen was far from being empty, but it hadn't reached its most busy period. Some officers and enlisted personnel worked at their desk and mingled, but most were tied in early court sessions and external assignments. Though populated with familiar faces that saw each other every day, the bullpen was also a place used to strangers in uniforms coming and going. So, it wasn't a surprise that the man crossed the crowd of desks without drawing too much attention to himself.

He walked without any sort hesitation, like a man who knew the path to take and the destination he wished to reach. He passed by a blonde lieutenant who smiled his way, but had no chance to talk to him; he nodded politely and continued purposely on his way.

A step from reaching the space the Admiral's yeoman occupied, the man stopped. No glancing around nervously, no sweating, no looking down to check the device he held in the palm of his hand; he refused to ruin his plans by committing any sort of avoidable mistake. A middle finger traced down and pushed a bottom. A second later, he heard a phone ring.

The wheel were starting to turn.

---------

Outside Admiral Chegwidden's office

JAG HQ

0921 ZULU

Tiner almost jumped out of his seat, when the phone beside him rang, he was so nervous. Taking a deep breath, he willed himself to calm down - it was embarrassing for the Admiral's yeoman to be so jumpy.

"Admiral Chegwidden's, Tiner speaking."

"Tiner, please check Colonel Mackenzie's office for any new correspondence."

"Yes, sir!"

Jason put the phone back on its cradle and got up, abandoning his post to run over to Colonel Mackenzie's office. He didn't see anyone standing near his desk - he wasn't meant to - and crossed the bullpen unaware of any sort of danger.

The uniformed man stepped into the antechamber calmly, knocked on the door with the big PRIVATE sign in a golden plaque and went in without hesitating.

-----

"I don't know, Admiral. I don't think any of these could hav..."

Mac heard the knock, then the door opening, cutting her sentence short. She was still at the seat she had taken earlier, contrary to Harm, who had risen and stood now with Webb at the window. So, she didn't see anything, but the Admiral's expression hardening and his mouth opening, though he didn't have time to speak. A strange dart hit him full in the chest at the same time she heard the door close. A millisecond later, she felt a pinch at her neck. A breath before she lost consciousness, Mac heard a muffled thump of bodies hitting the floor.


	24. Happily ever after, meet hurdle

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N: **Yes, I am still alive, as **gypsyrose06** can attest. I am truly sorry for delaying this update so much. I mean, it's been four months! I know this hasn't been the first time I dropped off the face of the earth. But writing isn't the only thing that suffered this semester; my school work and my social life did too, as I succumbed to the lowest point in my life thus far. I am climbing out of the abyss and I don't plan on letting it consume me again (my grades have never been this appalling before and I don't plan on letting them ever get this way again), so I hope some of you haven't given up on me completely.

**_EDIT: Minor changes made to the fist paragraph of the second part, to fit properly with the rest of the plot development. PLEASE READ._**

**

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**CHAPTER 24: Happily ever after, meet hurdle**

Admiral Chegwidden's office

JAG HQ

0920 hours

Compiling a list of every potential enemy the Commander and the Colonel had made over their years of service at JAG headquarters would have been an arduous task regardless of the situation; it would be inevitably too long. Adding to that, past and future… well, they had their work cut out for them. And, that was only the tip of the iceberg; they would have to somehow narrow that list down with little to no information.

_Sigh_.

Talk about frustration.

"Commander, Colonel. This ever widening list only serves to prove what I already know; you are far too jeopardy friendly." The younger members of the group halted their conversation, quasi amused. "We have to focus on the note itself."

He was right, of course.

"Well, Admiral, " Mac turned to face her superior officer, "...we know the Commander is the main target. But how can we be sure the usual suspects apply?" She reached forward and took the copy of the note from its previous perch on the Admiral's desk. "_I will see you destroyed before you can ever have a chance to enjoy the kind of happiness you have denied me."_

Harm nodded. "I see your point. This could be someone I haven't even met. Someone who might feel slighted for an action as unconscious on my part as me being late or..."

"Going off for your quals." Mac finished and Harm agreed.

_As if things weren't bad enough._

"Be that as it may, we can't discard the list of past threats against you." AJ leaned forward, placing his forearms onto the mahogany desk, hands clasped. "Let's prioritize."

_Nod. Nod. Frown_.

"I don't know, Admiral. I don't think any of these could hav..."

It all happened too fast, much like the day Harm and Mac had collapsed in his office. A soft, barely audible knock resounded from the wooden door. Before anyone of them could blink, much less react, the door swung open, revealing a man dressed in uniform, with a gun in his hand. One, two, three, four milliseconds and four darts found their intended targets. Admiral Chegwidden felt the tranquilizer numbing his senses, saw Webb and Harm falter near the window and heard the soft click signaling the door being shut. Before consciousness deserted him completely, he wondered at the unknown man who had barged into his office so effortlessly

and subdued three trained officers and a seasoned CIA agent in less than a heartbeat.

_Short Breath._

He would have been angry had he been given a chance.

AJ, Mac, Harm and Webb passed out without uttering a single word.

-----

The man stood near the door for a moment, contemplating the fallen soldiers at his feet. They were necessary steps. No satisfaction was derived from them. In fact, one could say he felt a twinge of fear. Fear of not achieving, of not regaining what had been lost. All those years planning, waiting for the pieces to finally fall into place. He would have but one chance. It had to work.

And he was determined to see it through.

Off came the jackets of his targets and their shoes. Hands were locked behind backs, the metal of the handcuffs tight against their flesh. Mouths were stuffed and tied. When all the preparations were made, the dark haired man stood next to the Admiral's large desk and waited for the intercom to sound, signaling the yeoman's return from his fool's errant. A small, black square with a red, blinking light was placed on the device.

He didn't have to wait long.

_Ring._

The palm pilot in his hand made a return appearance and another button was pushed.

"Yes, Tiner?"

"There was no new correspondence in the Colonel's office, sir."

"Very well, Tiner. That will be all. I don't want to be disturbed under any circumstances, do I make myself clear?" And then the call ended. The man put the palm pilot away and brought a chair towards the locked door. He sat down, a gun resting on his right thigh and waited.

It was all going according to plan.

----

Sarah Mackenzie was the first to awaken.

She had a strange sense of _déjà vu_ as her senses returned, one by one. For a moment, when her sight was still a bit blurry and her mind somewhat muddled, she imagined none of the past couple of months had happened; she was probably coming to in a sterile hospital room after some undetermined amount of time of coma-like unconsciousness induced by a run in with a truck. Part of her was relieved by that notion. The rest of her was completely terrified at the prospect. Would this never ending life of misadventures ever cease? When would she finally be able to achieve her happily ever after?

A small sigh escaped her lips, as she cracked her eyes open.

The walls weren't white or sickly green. She wasn't lying down. There was something around her neck and mouth. And her arms were tied behind her back. This was no hospital room. Relief was short lived as the situation became clear. Tight ropes, handcuffs, some kind of tranquilizer and a strange, unfamiliar uniformed man sitting by the door, gun in hand and terribly cold eyes staring her down; they were being held hostages.

A dry swallow did little to appease the uncomfortable feeling in her throat. She shifted

as best she could, mindful of the watchful gaze upon her every move and turned her head left, then right. Harm and Webb were, ironically, tied together by the window, their backs touching and their arms pulled back to go around each other's waist. It looked uncomfortable and downright comical; she would have laughed under different circumstances. Mac tried to shift even further, seeking the still unaccounted for Admiral, but it soon became clear that it would be physically impossible to do so.

The marine refocused her attention on their keeper.

Though dressed as a squid of low rank, she was almost certain he was not a military man. There was something about the way he sat and stared. She wondered at his intentions. The gag prevented her from forming words, but her eyes spoke plenty. The man by the door saw the curiosity directed his way and ignored it, seemingly much more interested in the pair still unconscious by the window. If it was the same lunatic who had sent Harm that unsettling letter - and there was no reason to believe otherwise -, he was probably zeroing in on Harm. And she wasn't about to lose her flyboy to some stranger's notion of revenge.

Quick, practiced eyes scanned herself and her companions, looking for flaws in their hostage taker's binding work; she found none. Mac briefly considered Tiner, wondering how the man had managed to bypass the entire bullpen and the yeoman, to barge into the JAG's private office, without raising a single flag.

Twist, tug, pull; her hands didn't budge and her legs were starting to go numb. The man hardily even flinched.

----

Harm had long since mastered the ability to go from unconscious to awake, without going through the fuzzy stages of awareness. Concussions induced trauma excluded, of course. Fighting the urge to pop his eyes open, he was careful to regulate the rise and fall of his chest and attune his ears to his surroundings. That, however, proved to be useless, for he could hear nothing but breathing. A little bit longer he waited, unwilling to lose the element of surprise; he had seen the gun, after all, even if the face of his attacker had passed by too quickly for him to remember.

"I know you're awake." The voice was calm, spoke in monotone and managed to drive horrible chills up his spine. His instinct told him to be weary and he had learned long ago to trust his gut. Harm's eyes opened slowly and found the brown eyes of a stranger.

Harm looked the man over carefully, willing his brain to remember his face. No matter how much he tried, though, he remained clueless. The Commander stopped his first impulse to struggle against his restraints and made sure not to avert his eyes, especially not towards Mac. Harm may not have known their attacker's motivation, but the warning note had been more than clear; he would target his happiness.

Breathing slowly in and out, he waited.

But the man didn't say anything, didn't volunteer information or move. He simply kept his eyes trained on his prey, the hand resting over the cool metal of the gun calm and steady. And Harm's concern grew.

_This could not end well._

----

He had spent too long watching and waiting to be fooled by Commander Rabb's calm exterior. And, of all the other instances the thrill of excitement had failed to penetrate his thick skin, the knowledge that he had finally managed to get the upper hand over the proud and cocky fighter pilot, successfully sent a surge of satisfaction through his body. Yes, everything had followed his carefully crafted plan.

_Smile._

Cold and mirthless smile that left the four hostages weary for what was to come.

Then, the smile turned into a smirk.

_Time to finish this once and for all._

----

Mac observed the silent play of stares between the man she loved and the man who wanted to take him away from her. Nothing was being said and nothing was spoken and Mac could identify the hint of worry within Harm's carefully shielded eyes, as he refused to glance her way. She wanted to shout, wanted to struggle, wanted to close her eyes and pretend it was all a nightmare, but she did nothing. Could do nothing.

_Sigh._

The silence stretched so long, Mac had resorted to counting seconds to pass the time. One, two, three, four, five... one hundred and twelve and then, so suddenly she hadn't been able to anticipate it, the man rose from the chair and walked towards Harm. Her heart beat faster in dreaded anticipation, while she unconsciously held her breath.

Please, don't let this be the end.

_Please... _

----

Nothing would ever be able to drive the daunting image from his brain.

Nightmares would be based on it. Cold chills would rise up his spine at the mere thought of it. When remembering on the past, that horrible scene would stand out as the worst moment of his life.

_Shudder._

No. Nothing would ever make him freeze with fear as completely as that man did, as he stood before him, eyes determined and cold, and raised the gun to rest on Mac's temple.

Harm's eyes widened, his teeth clenched around the gag that had been placed in his mouth and his heart literally skipped a beat, all the while the thought echoed in his mind over and over again.

No.

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... _

The gun coked, the safety was unlocked, a gloved finger put pressure on the sensitive trigger and time slowed to an almost stop.

_No_.


	25. Unraveling

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N: **More, as promised. I have the next chapters outlined and will be posting as I finish writing, though I will be travelling soon, so that may mean two weeks till next post. **PLEASE NOTE,** I have made minor changes to the last chapter, to avoid contradictions I let slip. This chapter should provide light into the mystery that has been 'the man' and I'm sure many of you will have solved it by the end of this. If not, clearer explanations will be found in the following chapters.

Happy New Year!!!! To both those who have already seen it and those who still have some hours to go , like me. ;D

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**CHAPTER 25: Unraveling**

The gun coked, the safety was unlocked, a gloved finger put pressure on the sensitive trigger and time slowed to an almost stop.

_No_.

"How does it feel?"

The voice was hoarse, as if it wasn't accustomed to too much use, and filled with more emotion than his eyes had conveyed. Pain, hurt, despair. In fact, hadn't Harm been looking directly at their captor and seen his lips move, the Commander would have believed the inquiry to have originated elsewhere.

"How… does… it… feel?"

_Desolation._

Again and again, the man asked the question, using the gun pressed against Mac's head as emphasis to every word uttered; her temple was already starting to bruise, though her face remained impassive. Harm attempted to answer, to say anything really in the hopes of appeasing this troubled man he could not really recall - no matter how hard he tried -, but who seemed to know him enough to hate. Muffled sounds and unsuccessful tugging of the restraints were all the navy Commander was able to muster.

"How… does… it… feel?"

_Despairing._

Could this insane man not see he was gagged? That he could not answer, even if he had known how to truly express the horrible pain gnawing at his chest? Was the question merely rhetorical and thus not supposed to evoke an answer? Damnit!! What did he want?!

"How… does… it… feel?"

_Horrible!! It feels horrible!!!_

As unexplainable as the questioning started, it stopped. The man slowly lowered the gun, eyes still trained on Harm. Unmoved, he remained like that, as if waiting, for what Harm couldn't even begin to understand. And the man's eyes… no longer were they filled with madness, determination had replaced it.

_Breathe, Harm, breathe…_

----

Mac had forced her eyes to remain focused on the wings of a golden eagle the Admiral had always kept on the far off shelf of his office. She forced herself not to react to the painful jabs the gun had made against her temple. And willed her ears not to hear the pain in every shuffle and grunt coming from Harm's direction, knowing she had to be strong for him and that meant not reacting.

_Sigh._

It would be a lie to say, though, that relief didn't curse through her veins when the questioning stopped and the gun was lowered. Harm and their captor were facing each other, she knew, and when silence stretched too long, she allowed herself to glance sideways into her squid's troubled blue eyes.

He didn't look in her direction.

Mac then directed her gaze to the man standing beside her. Her eyes narrowed in concentration. Carefully, she examined his face, familiarity washing over her.

_I know you, don't I?_

-----

The man waited.

_Any time now…_

John waited.

_C'mon!_

The short man, with murky brown eyes that stared in anticipation and hinted at insanity, stood quietly and waited.

_Why is nothing happening?_

His hands were filled with calluses, testament to a life filled with hardships. His skin was pale, though with a hint of a tan beginning to wane. His hair was receding, the years proving themselves not so kind. And his heart was broken, as it had been since that night, when he had woken up, his forehead damp with a cold sweat, his breath caught in his throat and his mind utterly confused.

_I never really knew… was there supposed to be lights? Colors?_

So many years now, waiting. Twenty three years of barely contained patience, just so he could have a chance to fix what had been broken. Twenty three years to reach the right moment…

And maybe find a way back home.

_Please, just…_

---

With all the moving Harm had been doing, Webb had been forced into consciousness, though he made sure to keep his body limp and his breathing even. He heard the question, a bit confused, and tried to recognize the voice that repeated it. He felt Harm's body, tense, pressed against his back and knew fighting his restraints would do no good.

Webb dared not open his eyes quite yet.

Then silence reigned and his curiosity turned quickly to worry. Even the trashing Commander had grown still. Slowly and ever so carefully, he allowed his head to loll right and cracked his eyes just enough to catch a glimpse of his surroundings.

Mac tied to a chair.

The Admiral slumped, unconscious, at his chair, arms tied, too.

And that man he was sure he had seen before, but could not place, standing next to Mac, holding a gun limply at his side and staring intently at Harm.

_Oh God…_

It didn't take a genius to piece this disaster together.

The CIA operative maintained his calm and his eyes slightly opened. Considering the fact that he himself and the Admiral seemed to be nothing but collateral in this chess match, Webb figured it was up to him to save the day.

_But how?_

He was tied like a pretzel around Harm – no pun intended – and that meant any moving on his part would in consequence move Harm and inevitably draw attention from their captor. His hands were on Harm's stomach, so in direct line of sight and useless. His feet were tied too, though Webb figured standing wouldn't be impossible, as long as his new found attachment stood too. Yes…

If only he could somehow alert Harm to his plan.

_What else?_

He saw Mac finally move, first looking at Harm and then examining the man next to her. When Webb saw her eyes narrow in concentration, he thought maybe she had managed to recognize the man in question. Confusion danced in her hazel eyes and he lost a bit of his hope. Was that the Admiral moving?

His attention, however, was drawn to the crazy officer with a gun, when his low voice echoed again in the silent room.

"Why is nothing happening? How did you do it when you were in the car?" Pause. "How did you go back?" Webb was puzzled at the words. Surely, he couldn't be referring to…

"HOW?!"

_Could he?_

I know the end of the year is not the best time to ask for reviews, but please leave me a note letting me know what you though. Thanks!


	26. Understanding comes with knowledge

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N:** Here I am! Hope you guys aren't disappointed with our mysterious man's identity. Let me know what you think; don't hold back. ;D

* * *

**CHAPTER 26: Understanding comes with knowledge**

He had been tired, he remembered.

Tired and sleepy and just wishing the minutes and miles would go a little bit faster, so he could finally go home. Ally had sounded discontent the last time they had talked over the phone. _Too long_, she had said_. You're_ _gone too long_. And what could he have responded to that when she had been absolutely right? Driving a truck up and down the USA had kept him away from his beloved wife more than half the year. It had been his job, though. There had been nothing beside that that he had known how to do and he had been plain too old to learn anything new.

His mind had been elsewhere, he admitted.

So, maybe it was his fault that the truck had been leaning toward the opposing lane. Who knows. Perhaps he shouldn't have been using that road to begin with; it had only been a way to cut a couple of hours off his route. But_, dammit_! He hadn't meant to cause an accident. He really hadn't.

It had all happened so fast.

The red convertible's lights had flashed before his eyes, snapping him back to reality. Too late, though. There had been no horns, no sound of tires against the asphalt or brakes screeching. What chance could a tiny car stand against such a monstrosity of a vehicle? Spikes had broken from the frame of the truck and the last thing John could say he remembered was the vivid red blood staining the glowing white of the driver's shirt and a light so bright his eyes had been burned.

After that…

_Darkness._

When he had finally awaked, there had been a soft bed beneath his frame and light coming from an uncurtained window. It had actually taken him some time to recognize the room. And only a fraction of that time for him to bolt upright, confused. It had been his childhood room, in a house that should have no longer existed, in a state he hadn't been in since he had finally reached his eighteenth birthday, many years prior.

Those first few days had been a blur of uncertainty, filed with questions no one seemed apt to answer. How could people believe his story when he had seemed unsure of his own sanity by then? A forty-three year old trapped in the body of his sixteen year old self with nothing from his old life but the torn and bloody t-shirt he had awoken with.

Plain crazy.

Except, it had been true.

For about a year, he had tried to relive his life exactly as it had been before. It hadn't been so simple, though. How could you bring yourself to turn left, when you knew there would be an accident just a few cars ahead and you would be stuck in traffic for hours? Daily, John had been faced with these small – and sometimes not so small – decisions and daily had had chosen to repeat it all. His life hadn't been perfect, but it had been his. Until the day he had tried to recall the name of his wife, whom he hadn't met yet and found he couldn't. Worse, her face had been starting fade around the edges.

John had been angry for about two seconds. He had cried for a whole day, despair eating away his hope. And then he had remembered, more clearly than anything else his memory could conjure: the face of the red convertible's driver. Surely, he hadn't been the only one affected.

Without a name, it had been hard.

His plan to relive the years until time reasserted itself had been abandoned. John had left his mother's house – a place he had never thought of as home – and moved to Washington, D.C., working odd jobs to pay the bills. His time had been spent scouring newspapers from around the world every single day and walking the streets, gaze searching for that one face on a younger man's face.

Years had passed.

_So many year__s without success…_

Until that cold Christmas and that dark marble memorial. There he had seen the face he had searched. The young man had been wearing military garb – Navy he had thought – and he had been fingering a single name carved on the wall. It had taken all of John's self control not to jump him then and there.

Calmly, he had approached the familiar stranger and had stood beside him, surreptitiously glancing sideways to catch a glimpse of the name he had come to honor.

_Harmon Rabb_.

_Your father?_, he had asked. _Yes_, the man had answered. John had noticed a bracelet he kept fingering and hope had swelled unbidden. Here had been a man who knew the meaning of waiting. Could he have really been transported back in time, too? Some days, John doubted himself; he had no proof the man had been affected as well. And the passenger? John didn't have the slightest idea who it had been and had no way of finding out.

_How did he die__?_ Determination had appeared on those light blue eyes. _No, he's missing in action and I know… I know he's not dead. He can't be. He's just... just waiting for me to find him. _It hadn't taken John long to realize that the man's word hadn't been borne from knowledge, but from hope.

He had felt his crash down to earth like a bird hit by a hunter's bullet.

What to do when all plans had been exhausted? When all hope had been lost? How to proceed when uncertainty had been the only thing he had been sure of?

John had chosen to wait.

And wait he did, for twenty-three years, preparing himself for the day he could have his answers. The day he could finally go home.

------------

And Jonathon Spiel refused to believe he had waited in vain.

_It's just couldn't be_…

"Why is nothing happening? How did you do it when you were in the car?" He stopped, looking carefully at the Commander's every reaction. "How did you go back?" And the Commander's face betrayed him; he knew what his captor was talking about. He said nothing, though.

_What was there to say?_

"HOW?!"

The Commander's heart skipped a beat.

_Sarah…_

The gun was up again, pressed to Sarah Mackenzie's temple; the passenger he had taken so long to discover. John had done his homework well and knew she was the best way to get to his target. Because the truck driver turned soldier had spent so many years fixed on Harmon Rabb's son, had wasted so much effort on the only face from his former life he could clearly recall, he hadn't stopped to consider Mac capable of being anything but a tool to get to his real target.

"How did you do it? And how can I take it back?" His cool demeanor from before evaporated, the desperation he had strived to push out of his mind since his first encounter with Rabb resurfacing. The gun wavered. "Please…"

"How…" The coarseness of his own voice surprised him and Harm breathed in deeply. "How do you know that?"

_Who are you?_

The gun dropped to the man's side, forgotten like everyone else on that room.

"I was driving the truck that hit your car. I… " He took a step forward. "I remember your face. The next thing I knew, I was young again. Really young and I started forgetting things and I… I just…" There was no faking the tears that flourished on the man's brown eyes, Harm noticed, and the nagging feeling that he had seen his face before returned.

"How long ago was that?"

"Twenty three years."

_All that time waiting_… _for what?_

"I only returned a couple of months ago."

A nod. "I know. I searched for you. I talked to you before." Harm had a hard time remembering. "At the memorial wall… your father's name on the marble stone…" John prodded.

And just like that, the memory resurfaced. "I remember…"

_The sad young man with old eyes…_

The conversation had been so innocent; he hadn't given it a second thought.

"So… how did you…" Harm was shaking his head. "What?" The man before him hardily seemed like the same man who had, moments before, pointed a gun at Mac's head.

"I didn't do anything." Harm could see the man was unconvinced.

"But…"

"I remember the truck coming at us – I didn't have time to steer – and then pain and darkness and the next thing I knew, I was here, at JAG, at this very office."

"No." John's hand gripped the gun harder, while his head shook from side to side, incredulous. "No. You did something. It was you, it had to be you!" He retraced his earlier steps, going backwards and raised the gun to point at Mac's head once again. "You know! Tell me!"

"I don't know!!" John was beyond listening to reason, though. "I… I went back. To the future or the alternative universe, or whatever it is we came from. I went back. I was in the hospital, hurt. I spent months there. And you were dead!"

"No. You went back, so can I."

_It's not that easy!_

Harm was shaking his head. "No, no, no… Listen to me! I went back, but Mac didn't. She was dead there as well, so she couldn't. And I don't know how I did it! One minute I'm there and months go by and the next minute I'm here and no time at all was lost…"

"He's right." Mac's voice was firm, collected, maybe more than she should have been considering the imminent threat pressed tightly against her temple. "I saw it myself. It's like your consciousness traveled back, but your body didn't."

"Shut up!" He was sweating and all pretences of whispering had been put aside. Tiner was bound to hear the disturbance and Harm hoped the gun man didn't fire upon the yeoman should he enter unexpectedly.

"She's right. No body, no going back. But it's still your life. You can do whatever you want with your life."

"No, I can't." John removed the gun from Mac and pointed the nuzzle to his own temple. "My memories… they disappeared, one by one. I can't remember my wife. I can't remember her name or what she looked like!" The gun dropped. "And it's all your fault."

Harm remained silent, trying to control his racing heart. His gaze was firmly locked onto his captor's, weary of his every move. Gone was the calm man from before. There was desperation on his eyes now, sweat on his forehead and Harm realized he had no alternative plan. No escape route. He had bet his everything on this moment and Harm felt for him.

_Truly._

Only heaven knew what he would have done if this time traveling had taken him to a moment before Mac had entered his life. And to watch your precious memories fade away… That must be what falling into madness would feel like.

_Breathe_.

He had to believe all would end well; it was the only way to keep his cool.

"Hey, man. Tell me your name. I don't even know your name."

Brief hesitation. "John."

_How many times did I see you, John?_

_How many times did our paths cross and I didn't spare you a second though?_

Just another enlisted amongst many….

The dispassionate man from before was returning and that worried Harm more than any rage could. He opened his mouth to try to keep John occupied, when he felt Webb shift a bit. He considered that perhaps the screaming from before had managed to rouse the unconscious CIA operative, but quickly dismissed that thought. Both he and the Admiral should have woken long before then.

Harm returned his attention to his captor.

"Okay, John, let's think this through together. Maybe we can make sense of it if we combine what we know." John said nothing and didn't move, which Harm took to mean as agreement. He hoped so, at least.

"Tell me what you remember from moments before the accident. Did you see anything unusual? What were you thinking about?"

The seconds it took John to answer stretched like a small piece of eternity for the tied up Commander. When he finally spoke, Harm sighed, relieved.

"I was on the last leg of my route. I wanted to go home as fast as possible, so I took a short cut." Pause. "That wasn't the road I usually drove through, you know. If I had just…" Sigh. "Anyway… I was thinking about my wife. I, I didn't see anything strange. I didn't even see…"

_Wait a minute__…_

John continued talking, but Harm's attention was diverted to Webb. They were so closely tied that every time the other man breathed, his back pushed against Harm's tensed up muscles. In fact, most of Webb's weight was pushed against him. And the breaths, though calm, were far from being even.

Webb was up to something.

_But what?_


	27. All's well that ends well

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N: **I've had part of this chapter written for a long time now and I apologize for allowing it to sit on my harddrive unfinished for so long. Better late than never, right? This is the last chapter, soon to be followed by an epilogue. And I do mean soon.

I won't put every single name here, but I would like to say thank you for all those who reviewed and all those who read and and enjoyed it. You guys were wonderful and hopefully are still interested in reading the end of this tale.

**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 27: All's well that ends well**

_John continued talking, but Harm's attention was diverted to Webb. They were so closely tied that every time the other man breathed, his back pushed against Harm's tensed up muscles. In fact, most of Webb's weight was pushed against him. And the breaths, though calm, were far from being even._

_Webb was up to something._

_But what?_

Harm had always been weary of Webb's half baked scams and plans. And who could blame him when every experience with the spy tended to turn ugly fast? The Commander had to concede, however, that it was not so much the planning that Webb seemed to be unable to master, but the execution. Which may greatly explain his need for two navy lawyers.

It was a miracle they had survived so many hairy situations.

What other choice was there, though. Harm couldn't shake the feeling that the impasse their situation had come to was bound to end badly and he would not stand idly by as Mac was taken from him once again. Perhaps, forever this time.

_No. Not again._

"… and I couldn't remember it! It was just… just there, at the tip of your tongue, you know. But I could never grasp it." While he concentrated half an ear on his captor's discourse, Harm attempted to decipher the message Webb was trying to transmit, determined to tip the balance in their favor.

Another deep breath from Webb, followed by several short pants and suddenly Harm knew. Morse code! Why hadn't he thought of it first and foremost was beyond him, but he hadn't the time to loose with reprimands and self pity. They had a plan and they needed to act.

_Fast._

N. T. W. E. R. I. S. E. U. C. H. A. R. G. E. O. N. C. O. U. N. T. W. E. R.

Harm kept tabs on the separate letters, until he noticed they started repeating. The message, on loop since Webb was unsure how long it would take for Harm to notice it, was short and to the point. The plan, 'on count, we rise, you charge', was simple and straightforward and dangerous as hell. He shouldn't have expected anything less from Webb, though.

Their heights were considerably different and would make rising as one extremely tricky. With their arms and hands too tightly bound, they had but one chance to overpower their captor. After they hit the ground once more, the advantage of the surprise attack would be lost. If John didn't fall unconscious, they would have shaken the cage of the lion while still being inside it, bound and defenseless.

Predictably, not the best of plans.

Harm watched how AJ remained with his head bent forward, seemingly still unconscious, though he harbored doubts about that. Unless the Admiral had an allergic reaction to the tranquilizer, he should have since awakened. Either way, an unknown variable. Webb would help him rise from their sitting position and provide an extra weight of inertia against John. Other than that, though, he was dead weight.

And Mac…

Her expressive brown eyes were locked upon John, following his every move. Something else had her attention thoroughly caught; Harm knew that look. Mac wasn't the type to play damsel in distress and probably had something up her sleeve as well. Gaze following the curve of her shoulders, he realized she was discreetly working on loosening the ropes around her thin wrists. And making good progress, too.

This could make Webb's plan feasible.

Mac probably sensed his eyes on her and turned to glance his way. She offered him a small smile of reassurance, one he gladly returned. In the short amount of time their gazes remained locked, words and feeling passed uncensored between them.

_I love you._

_I'm sorry._

_We can do this_.

Using his hand, splayed on Webb's chest awkwardly and thankfully hidden from John, Harm announced his agreement to the plan. He warned Webb to wait for his signal, which the spy readily agreed to. Keeping an eye on Mac's hands, Harm tuned John back in.

"… been waiting and here you are. When I saw the blood on your uniform like that, I just… I just knew it was time." It was easy to see how very close to the edge of insanity he stood. "Now, I can go back. We can go back." John had bet his whole life in that moment, put all his hopes on a man who could no more explain their predicament, than he could control it.

John waited for an answer, for reassurance. Harm had none to give, though.

Deep breath.

"John. I remember the accident and then waking up here, but I don't know how. And it was just as suddenly, that I was back there, in a hospital, thinking I had gone crazy. I passed months there…"

"But…" John protested.

"And one night, I went to sleep and here I was again, practically at the same time I left from. I don't know how it happened and I can't _control_ it." Harm finished, a somber expression on his face. He was sure reasoning with their kidnapper was probably impossible. Yet, he could not avoid giving it a chance.

"No! You went back, you said so yourself! So, take me back!" The gun, which had been limply lying by his side, was brought back up and aimed straight at his chest. Harm prayed it remained far from Mac.

"I can't, John. Look at me." He made sure his captor was looking into his sincere eyes. "I don't know how." But the man was beyond reason. Then, a memory came back to Harm. It had always been there, he just hadn't thought of it until that moment.

"And… John! John… Listen to me!" The gun was shaking, the hand holding it incapable to being steady, not anymore. "John. Even if I could control it, even if I could go back at will, you can't go back, John. Because, John…" Pause. "You died. Back in that world, you died." The words Harm had been screaming before, so they would be heard, dropped to a whisper.

It was louder than any yell and the atmosphere stilled.

John's head shook from one side to the other, unbelieving. "I'm not dead. I'm not." He placed a hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating wildly beneath it. "I'm right here."

"You're here, but you're not there. How would you go back?"

The wounded animal look left his face and rage replaced it. John's cheeks burst with red flames and his hand shook even more wildly. He was ready to pounce and there was nothing left to do but be ready to strike first.

Mac's head turned to the side and Harm noticed that the rope around her wrist loosened. She was holding them up, less they fall to the floor and alert the madman before them, but they no longer bound her. It was the cue he had been waiting for. He tapped Webb on the chest once, while he aligned his legs. Another tap and he adjusted his back. Finally, a third tap and, back tense, he signaled _go_.

Backs flushed, muscles tensed, arms taunt. Like kids playing, they used each other's weight as leverage and rose as one from the floor. Maintaining balance was a bit hard given the disparity between their heights; still they managed to do so efficiently. Using the momentum their combined bodies produced, Harm leapt forward, crashing against their captor. All three men fell as one to the floor.

It had been a risky maneuver, of course, but luck had been on their side.

Perhaps, it wouldn't have been successful had their target been paying attention; one small move and Harm would have gained a sizeable hole in the chest. Maybe, Mac's ropes could have drawn the man's attention and made him snap; also an undesirable outcome.

Variants that made Webb's plan expectedly foolish.

It worked, though.

With a sigh of relief, Mac wrestled her wrists free from the rope, ignoring the pain from the burns as she worked quickly to untie her legs. The gun, which had fallen from John's grasp during the struggle, laid near the door and the marine kept her focus on it as she counted the seconds.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven…_

The rope was cast aside and two long strides finally brought her within reach. Gun in hand, she threw the door open.

"Tiner! Call the MPs, now!"

_Thirteen, fourteen…_

The Yeoman spared no time in obeying, as Mac pulled the clip out and placed both parts of the gun onto Tiner's desk.

_Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen…_

The marine colonel didn't look back. Charging back into the room, she was just in time to pull an enraged John from Harm, who was already sporting a split lip and a black eye. The man was beyond reasoning and soon produced a knife; Mac expertly removed it from his hand, though not before he had a chance to slice her upper arm. With a few more moves, she had him on his knees, arms held behind his back.

_Nineteen, twenty, twenty-one…_

It seemed almost anticlimactic, how fast it was over.

Chest heaving a bit, due to her accelerated breathing, Mac glanced finally at Harm and Webb. They were lying on the floor, still tied together in a more than awkward position and made quite a funny scene.

"Are you two okay?" she asked, half laughing in amusement and relief.

A grin from Webb and a grunt from Harm, who was sporting more than his share of the other man's weight, were the only responses she received. Mac couldn't help the widening of her smile.

All's well that ends well.

In quick succession, Harriet, Bud and Tiner entered the room and efficiently worked on Webb's, Harm's and AJ's bindings. Beneath Mac, John struggled still.

"No, no, no, no! Send me back! Send me back! Please…" His loud words of anger soon turned into almost silent pleas of desperation. Sobs shook his body and Mac felt for him. Felt sympathy for his broken sanity and empathy for the things he had lost. But what John could not understand was that she didn't know how to send him back, if that was even possible.

_Sigh._

Efficiently, two MPs entered the Admiral's office and relieved Mac of the subdued man. Free now of lunatics and restraints, she went to Harm and allowed his strong arms to envelope her clear off the floor. They were both uncaring of military protocol and the many spectators around them; there was a hint of the same desperation in their hug that John had displayed only minutes before.

It could have so easily been them.

"Are you going to make a habit of all this hugging?" The Admiral's voice boomed somewhere behind them, but the jesting tone that accompanied it, betrayed his true feelings; he too was relieved to see it all end well.

Harriet put her right hand upon her chest, as a smile blossomed around her lips. She had been a nervous wreck, not knowing what had been happening with Mac and Harm behind the Admiral's closed door. Webb always equaled bad news. If she had even considered the truth, though, who knows how her heart would have withstood it.

A hostage situation right at JAG headquarters! And no one the wiser.

Still, all's well that ends well.

She didn't know the details and couldn't even phantom who was the man the MPs were carrying and his reasons for attacking two officers. But, as she watched Harmon Rabb holding the colonel so fiercely and openly, relieved faces all around, Harriet held no doubt that all had. Indeed, ended well.

Or so they had thought.

Like a movie that reserved for its viewers one more surprise after the very last scene, Harriet watched almost in slow motion as the man Mac had subdued break free from the grasp of the two MPs taking him away. A punch, a dodge, a gun suddenly on his hands and breaths being held all around. As John's hands wavered uncontrollably, the gun aimed at the pair still embracing, the MP who had been pushed to the floor put his weight on his right knee and withdrew the gun on his belt.

_Bang!_

The slow motion ceased and everything after that happened much too fast.

For a second, Harriet stood half crunched behind a desk in the corner of the bullpen, unsure of the origin of the fired bullet. Nobody moved, but Mac, who had been pushed behind Harm the minute the sound had echoed around the crowded space and now circled around him to see what had happened. Harriet saw the other woman place her hand upon the Commander's chest, searching for a wound.

There didn't seem to be one.

Next, the blonde lieutenant straightened her back and glanced around. Could the strange man have missed the shot? He still stood in the same spot, gun now lowered to his side, as one of the MPs circled around him, gun at the ready. Then, the man dropped thegun, which made an impossibly loud, though muffled thud as it hit the floor. Two breaths later and the man's knees gave out. His body easily crumpled down as if made out of butter.

It was only as he laid, chest upwards and unmoving, that Harriet saw the blood extending over the white of his navy shirt. A closer view showed her the way his eyes were glassy and empty and, she might have been imagining it, but there was a certain sign of relief in the way his face was set.

The MP checked the man's pulse and declared him dead.

Harm and Mac stood next to Harriet and she saw the way their hands were entwined at their side. The pair was looking upon the deceased man with a sadness in their eyes, Harriet couldn't rightly say she understood. Quietly, she heard Harm whisper:

"It's over now. I think it's really over."

**THE END**


	28. Epilogue

**DISCLAIMER:** in the first chapter...

**A/N: **And here, the epilogue I promised. Again, thank you all for the support, the praise and the nagging when I dragged my feet. You were all wonderful!

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**EPILOGUE**

For a long time, there was only darkness.

Then, the dreams came. He dreamt of things long passed, dreamt of things he had long ago forgotten. Some of these images were happy memories, some of them were filled with sadness. People he loved, people he lost. And, with every memory filling the void spaces of his fractured mind, John cried out in relief.

Such little things most people took for granted, treasures John was deliriously happy to regain.

He could finally recall the name of his wife, could clearly see her face in the darkness smiling at him, rolling her eyes at his baseball obsession and raging mad during one of their frequent fights.

He missed it all.

And when there was nothing left to remember, John became aware of his own body, physical once again. In wonder, he attempted to speak a name… her name and felt the widening of his own brilliant smile at the sound of it echoing back into his ears.

John knew not how long had passed, when he startled awake, the feel of a solid steering wheel in his hands and bright light flashing before his eyes. Too many times, he had fantasized, cursing all the little things that had gone wrong that day. The poor lighting on that back road, the heaviness of his tired eyelids and the too slow reflexes.

This was the moment.

Without thought or hesitation, he jerked the wheel to the left, managing to steer the truck away from the red car it had been careening in the direction of and back onto his own lane. It was only when the car passed by, unharmed, and his big truck finally rolled to a stop, did John loosen his hold on the steering wheel and breathed a sigh of relief.

He had never managed that before.

And it all felt so real…

_Could it be?_

Fingers trembling, John patted his jacket, trying to find the phone he remembered having in his hands a little before the accident. He finally found it thrown carelessly on the passenger seat. Still shaking, he dialed the familiar number, immensely glad to still know it.

Nothing would ever again feel as endless as the sound of the ring tone echoing in his ear. One, two, three times…

"I already told you to stop calling, Jonathan. I am still mad at you andI plan to stay that way for at least a week!"

His wife hung up on him, truly angry. The only reaction he could muster, though, was merry laughter. Loud, unrestrained like a child's laugh, infused in never ending happiness.

_Could it be true?_

_Was this real?_

xxxxx

"What keeps you awake, Sarah?" Harm lazily traced the long side of his wife's arm, loving the feel of her head resting upon his bare chest.

"Harm…" Sarah kissed the skin nearest and closed her eyes. "Do you ever wonder why?"

"Why we came here? Why John suffered so much? Why…"

"Yes."

"For us, I hope was so we could have David. We don't know if it would have been possible… before", he whispered.

"And John?" Sarah sighed. "Sometimes I feel guilty for being so happy when he faced nothing but decades of suffering only to meet such a tragic ending."

Harmon Rabb wanted to have an explanation that would soothe the mother of his child and make it all, somehow, better. So much, however, remained a mystery seeming doomed to remain unsolvable. He breathed in deeply, eyes staring at the ceiling.

"Seems so useless, all this… such a waste", Mac whispered.

"Yes", he agreed. "It's possible we'll never know."

Again, she sighed. "I had a dream, you know."

"What about?"

"John."

Harm tenderly kissed his wife's forehead, immersing himself in the wonderful feel and smell of her hair. "What happened in you dream, honey?"

"We were back at the day of the accident… The lights of your car startled him early enough to swerve before we crashed."

Slowly, he turned on his side, keeping their naked bodies entwined and bringing their faces close together. With tender care, Harm brushed a strand of chocolate brown hair from Sarah's face.

"You know… we didn't die", he said. She frowned, then smiled in understanding.

"True. We didn't die."

"Who's to say this is the only universe beside our original one? Bud said theories discuss the possibility of different universes for every decision we make in life."

"That could mean an infinite number of universes out there." She brought their faces even closer together, brushing their noses against each other. "Maybe, in one of those…"

Nodding, Harm captured her inviting lips with a kiss, which was, unfortunately, interrupted by the loud cry of a baby echoing from down the hall. The father moaned in frustration.

"I swear that kid has your impeccable timing. I bet it's near midnight."

She smiled widely. "On the dot", she confirmed. Rolling away, Mac snuggled against the soft pillow. "Your turn, daddy."

Tired as he way, Harm could only smile.


End file.
